


A Fucking Promise Ring

by stars_fall_on



Series: Behind the scenes [8]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Behind the Scenes, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:40:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_fall_on/pseuds/stars_fall_on
Summary: What happens if real feelings are caught from youthful flippancy? And how do they change over the course of time?
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Noel Fisher & Cameron Monaghan
Series: Behind the scenes [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/727416
Comments: 113
Kudos: 156





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks,
> 
> I'm back with a quarantine-Mosher fanfic. Yes, you've read right - Mosher! I'm still on it :-D #sorrynotsorry  
> If that's not a universe for you, please stop reading here.
> 
> If you're still reading, I'm glad you're here <3
> 
> Since my friend Kat told me shorter chapters are easier for her to read, I split the story into a few more parts than originally planned - so Kat, this is for you ;) I'm going to post them day by day and they will probably be more than 10.
> 
> A big Thank you to @Erikutta for being my beta :-*
> 
> If you enjoy the story, please drop me a kudo and comment below <3 And don't forget: Even if I tried to keep it close to realiity, it's (probably :-P) still fiction.

He's not able to tell how long he’s been in love with Noel, probably since shooting season 1 of Shameless, but who knows. The fact that he had a boy crush back then was clear. He was sixteen, Noel twenty five. And Noel's ability to act was just mesmerizing, nothing less. Who wouldn't have had a crush working with this beautiful guy, pretending to be his lover?  
  
It didn't even astonish him when he made a move on Noel a few seasons later. Ever since their first kiss scene in season 3 he was wondering how this mouth would feel on him when it's opening up, just a little bit, to let him slip inside and have a taste. He couldn’t get it out of his head, it was distracting on set.  
  
Thank god Shameless gave them their first real kiss scene with tongue one season later. He didn't have to wonder anymore, he knew what heaven tasted like then. It was right there, in the 'club' when he felt something shifting. Suddenly it didn't feel like a one sided crush anymore. The tension between them built with each and every scene, the looks became more lingering the more time they spent together. Cam was glad they got a break from shooting before they started on season 5.  
  
It didn't get easier for him, though, when their intimate scenes got more intense. More kisses, more body contact, more heat. The sex scene that was scripted had him laying awake at night, fantasizing about it since he got the direction. He anticipated it the whole week before it was scheduled to shoot, imagining every little detail he wanted to do, where he wanted to touch, kiss, and stroke Noel. It was clear that something was bound to happen.  
  
And that's exactly what went down.

  
  


After the shoot of this intimate scene that had left him hard and still agitated from their performance, they found themselves alone in the wardrobe trailer, panting hard and sharing lingering looks. It took one step towards Noel and the smaller man met him in the middle for a heated kiss. Their tongues slid against each other, exploring every inch where they hadn't already melted. Cam allowed Noel's taste to finally consume him, savor him and not let go.  
  
To his surprise Noel didn't shake him off. Instead he gripped his neck, just like Mickey always did, and brought him closer. The wardrobe trailer was filled with the sound of their smacking lips, which seemed to be the most wonderful sound Cam had ever heard. They didn't stop, _couldn't_ stop the kiss from getting more frantic and messy with every second.  
  
The redhead was leaking in his boxers, his balls constricting and ready to push it all out, when he felt a little stab of something hard against his thigh and then a firm push against his chest that ripped him off Noel's mouth and out of the haze.  
  
They stood there stunned and muted for a solid five minutes, just staring at each other and panting. Cam can't remember who moved first, but without talking they got dressed and walked out of the studios together, saying their goodbyes as if nothing had happened. It was weird, and the redhead feared the working days that were still to come for the rest of the season.  
  
Surprisingly, the following weeks of shooting were no problem at all, since there weren't any intimate scenes scripted between them. Mostly just dialogue, which they handled perfectly. They were professionals and not only kept a good facade in front of the camera, but also behind the scenes. Without talking about what had happened they stayed friends. Friends that shared intimate and lingering looks, that both seemed to accept.  
  
Problem was that another kiss scene was set to shoot at the dugouts. A bloody and messy kiss scene that followed a heated fight. Cam already knew where this was headed, he didn't even try to talk himself out of it. Instead he wanted to follow the signals his libido was sending him, and act through it. And the centrum of his lust told him to get on Noel. Fucking hell! 

At least the colored brunet didn't seem to protest.  
  
When all was said and done at the dugouts, they met in Cam's trailer without talking about it before. The need was obviously written on their lust filled faces and they just let the built tension overcome them. Kisses, that were more confident than the last time, were shared, and even hands were added to their play. They groped and wandered over the other's built body. It seemed as if barriers were burned to the ground and left the way for the passion they held for each other. A passion that built with every slide of their tongues and with every stroke of their fingers. Cameron was hard and leaking in his boxers, but before he could carry his desire for Noel to the next level, they tore themselves apart and just like the last time said their goodbyes with shy smiles on their lips. When Cam went home alone, he couldn't even comprehend why they stopped, it all happened so fast. He just knew for sure, he wasn't the one letting go. 

  
A few days later, the whole season was done and Cam and Noel separated without one word about the fierce moments they shared, both knowing damn well that girlfriends were waiting for them. Cam had been dating Sadie Newman for a few months. It wasn't serious enough to think about it much, but Noel had an ongoing relationship with girlfriend Layla Alizada for eleven years already, which left Cam with a bitter feeling in his gut. He himself felt guilty about cheating, but again, he and Sadie only went on a couple of dates, he didn't really feel much for her yet and had the feeling Sadie didn’t either. But Noel and Layla shared a life together, a life that seemed pretty serious to the outside. A life that Cam sometimes wished he could share with him as well.  
  
But the redhead decided not to give it too much thought, when Noel didn't seem to do either. And since they never really stayed in touch after filming, due to Noel being a terrible responder, Cam did his best to shut the kisses out of his mind. He focused back on his life with Sadie, his friends, and work and tried really hard to not think about the blue eyes that weren't about to come back to the show. Ever. He definitely pushed every thought, that Noel's departure from Shameless put an end to whatever they were having, out of his mind and certainly didn't notice the sting that was left in his heart.  
  
He proved to go on with his life as if nothing had ever happened. Sometimes he even found himself thankful for not having the chance of temptation. That they stopped with whatever there was, didn't force him to question his sexuality, which on some days felt like a huge relief. It was easier this way. And since he still felt himself attracted to women, it was evidence enough that the kisses he shared with Noel were just getting rid of the tension and an experimental thing for him. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

But then the outcry of the Gallavich fans due to Noel's exit of the show grew so loud, that the producers couldn't ignore it anymore. They prepared a short guest appearance for the fan favorite character and hoped that after this last scene, the fans would give up and let it be. A hope that Cameron was holding on to as well, only for completely different reasons. 

New scenes meant new possibilities. Possibilities he wasn't sure he wanted to have. He had just begun to live without the constant ‘what if’ questions on his mind, again. He didn't want to be thrown back into this futile loop of improbable scenarios. 

However, as soon as he got the memo about Noel's guest starring in episode 1 of season 6, he knew that he wouldn't stand a chance. If there was still the sparking chemistry between them, he'd voluntarily leave it to the buzzing testosterone inside his body to take over him and lead him. And he knew exactly where this path was going to take him. To say it astonished him, that the shoot of their final scene in prison together, led to another heavy make out session back in Cam's trailer, was a bold lie. 

As soon as their eyes met after a few months of withdrawal, the passion caught fire and the urgency to have each other clicked back in place. It was as if nothing had changed - as if it was yesterday that Cam's hands traveled over Noel's abs while his cock hardened in his pants. They didn't even need to talk much beforehand. They just filmed their scene through the glass for a few hours, while they let their eyes tell a story on their own. A tale, which climaxed while telling the other how much he missed him and how he still wanted and craved him.

So the minute they were left alone in the wardrobe trailer, they were on each other again. Groping, touching, biting, kissing, even shedding the clothes from the set. Cam lost track of time, immersing himself completely in Noel. How he felt, smelled and tasted. How his body arched swiftly against him. How he consumed him with just the tip of his tongue inside his mouth. He didn't even realize they were naked, until the smaller man brought some distance between them and they used the break to refill their lungs with air.

The short pause, however, allowed them to take a closer look at the other man's body, especially the raging boners they both spurted. The lust and heavy tension that accumulated within those few deep breaths was almost unable to bear, which was why the redhead’s hand traveled south without further thinking. He needed to get rid of the tension, longed for some relief of these conflicting feelings he was having. He wrapped fingers around his pulsating length and started to jerk himself off, while his eyes never left the blue of the ocean. It didn't take Noel long to follow his movements, each of them jerking themself, and watching the other with lust filled eyes and wrecked expressions on their faces. They found their release shortly after their first few tugs, the despair too much from the months full of longing. They spilled their seeds into their hands, cleaned up, and were back to being dressed within ten minutes, max, the quiet once again taking over them. 

Thinking back to that point of his life, it was probably the fear that kept him silent, and probably muted Noel as well. Neither of them was ready to think about the meaning of all that. Not while being 22, or actually in a long-term relationship. Ignoring was easier for the both of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving kudos and/or comments. I really appreciate the hell out of them <3
> 
> xox


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a veeeery short update. The shortest. I promise!

Their intimate time together was shut down and locked deeply away in Cameron's soul. He didn't want his own thoughts and feelings to find the surface to break through the walls he put up.  
  
He thought he did good, _real_ good. He thought it was one of his strengths, to be able to make out with Noel every time they saw each other, and not give it a lot of space in his brain afterwards. He felt proud, safe, and good like that, until one moment the realization hit him: constantly thinking about _not_ thinking of Noel, was probably as bad as the incident he was trying to avoid. And it definitely led to the same fucking result. He was thinking about Noel Fisher _all the goddamn_ time. And that was problematic. And fucked up. Especially in his situation.  
  
Yes, he was single again and wouldn't have had a problem seeing Noel more often and finding out what this all was between them. But the other man was not. And he wasn't about to come back to the show, which seemed to be the only way to stay in touch with the blue eyed man.  
  
So the moment he realized that, in truth, he thought way too much of his ex coworker and friend, the walls inside him were shattered and it became a living hell.  
  
Just as he feared, he didn't hear another word from the reddish blonde and he himself wasn't about to contact him either. Not when Noel so obviously moved on while he seemed stuck in relishing their moments. It sucked. It sucked so bad that he didn't see another way out than starting to date other girls again. Random girls he could hook up with but never fall in love or feel that spark that always prickles inside his heart when he was with Noel. He couldn't stand another day with permanent thoughts on Noel anymore. He needed a distraction as quick as he was able to find one. It should've helped a bit to take the edge of the constant itching.  
  
And that seemed to be a good first step for him to move forward. At least theoretically. Truth was, the longer he dated a girl and saw her regularly, the more the thoughts about the man he so desperately wanted to shut out of his system came back haunting him. It didn't help that Noel's career was off to a great start and he appeared often in his newsfeed (He's denying the fact that searching 'Noel Fisher' on the internet could've been the reason for his pictures to constantly pop up, but whatever.)  
  
It didn't help either that people were still obsessed with the Gallavich storyline and screamed even louder to get Mickey back on the show. Sometimes he sunk so deep into his emotions that he went through all the posts he and Noel got tagged in, relishing the sweet moments that were caught on the show when their characters were kissing. He then let the memories wander back to the intimacy that happened afterward filming and got caught in bittersweet feelings.  
  
His sarcastic laughs filled the air when he came across 'Mosher' posts. Posts about a life between Noel and him that he wished to have but wasn't allowed to. In moments like these he found himself blaming Noel for his pain, for not seeing what so obviously even the rest of the world saw too. It was not fair. Their fans still had hope and could dream of this wonderful Mosher dream, whereas he couldn't. He'd forever have to live with the knowledge that _yes_ , there definitely was something between them, but _no_ he didn't share his life with him.  
  
There was one thing the fans did achieve with their screaming for attention, though. It was around the same time, the ratings of viewers for the show went down and John Wells’ emergency plan involved the comeback of a certain trash-talking South Side thug for two episodes in season 7. Bad news was that ever since Cam learned the news, his body felt alive and tingling again in a way it shouldn't.  
  
His heart was screaming for the new chance he got, his mind circling around the importance of this chance. Would things change or would they still be the same for them? Could he finally let go of those oppressive feelings? Would their chemistry change or could they morph into something wonderful if the blue eyed man was willing to give into the exploration of what's there between them a chance?  
  
Fact was, for the whole shoot of season 7, up to episode 10, he was nervous, excited, hopeful, but also scared. He tried to hold it together and not let his feelings affect his work. But the truth was, he was an emotional wreck.  
  
He noticed his coworker Ruby Modine trying to flirt with him all the time, but he didn't even give it much of a second thought. It was nice, having someone find him attractive and laugh at his jokes. But he just couldn't shake the other man out of his thoughts, least of all now.  
  
Seemed like the gist of it was that he wasn't even bi anymore. There was only one person he was interested in, only one thought that called his dick to action. And it definitely wasn't the vision of tits and a vagina. Sadly it was the idea of blue eyes and the cutest smile he'd ever witnessed on someone.  
  
He anticipated their reunion even more than he had Christmas, Halloween, or his birthdays as a child. The depth of his emotions was frightening as fuck, but exciting nonetheless. And when the time of their common schedule finally arrived, it was even better than he hoped for. 

At least at the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the dock scene, 7x10, just so you know. We're rushing through their history until we land in the present time.

Of course it struck like lightning through his body, when his eyes first landed on him. It was as if the air was charged and brought life back into his wounded soul. They both acted a bit reluctant behind the scenes, at first, but as soon as the camera turned on for the shoot of the dock scene, all the walls between them crashed down and the redhead felt as if he was coming up for air for the first time in years.

The way they kissed in front of the crew was similar to the kisses they shared when nobody was watching. Hot, devouring and passionate open mouth kisses. They ate each other in front of the recording machine and didn't even care a bit. At least Cam didn't.

It was so good, felt so overwhelmingly good to have Noel's puffy lips on him again, his tongue slipping inside his mouth and melting with his own. There was this unique Noel taste, that Cam hoped would never disappear again. He wished he could savor it for days when he wasn't able to be near him. The need they shared for one another as Noel and Cam was borderline close to taking over their characters. With each take separating again became more of a challenge, the vision of being alone the worst case scenario, Cam could imagine.

Both got so riled up during the shoot, the redhead was sure it wouldn't stop with their last take. Their lips wanted to mingle, their bodies ached to be touched. He constantly felt Noel's hard on pressing and rutting against him while filming this one scene.. If that wasn't the longest and most torturing foreplay ever, Cam didn't know what was.

This time it was way easier to spend the night together, though. Since they were in Chicago to film this and other scenes, they both stayed in the same hotel and drove back there together. The redhead just had to ask if Noel wanted to grab a beer together, and the other one immediately understood the bottom line of this question.

As soon as they hit their floor, Cam was pushed through the door to his room and kissed fervently against the wall, the moment they made it inside.

It all happened so fast until they were naked, a feeling like being in a haze with only Noel. He let the other man consume him in a way he never experienced before. No one had ever possessed him like this.

There was the sound of loud smacking filling the air and their mouths kept colliding and demanding for more.

Suddenly he felt a built and muscular body beneath his fingertips and touched hot, bare skin, and not some restraining fabric. Slick liquid left a line on his thigh, smudged by Noel's leaking length. His own erection was pressing on hard abs, rubbing against the other man's body, working for release.

Cam didn't even have time to process what his head was telling him, before he reached down and wrapped his hand around Noel's erect dick, wanting to pump him. The moment his fingers touched the straining skin, though, both pulled apart to stare at each other breathlessly. It was the first time they connected like this and Cam hoped it wasn't their last.

Uncertain whether he crossed a line or not began to poison his mind. But as soon as Noel took the step back towards him, he knew the other's inner war was over and he’d surrender to him.

They were back on each other, mouth on mouth, chest to chest. Cam's hand got back to work and after a helpless wince from Noel, the older one started to imitate his actions by tugging at Cam's cock. To say his fingers around his pulsating length was making him weak in the knees, was an understatement.

It was as if no time had passed, as if they just reconvened where they had left off more than a year ago. Each time getting more intense and overwhelming than the last.

When their hands left their dicks to pull each other's faces even closer to another, their hips took over the frantic stimulation, rutting with desperate thrusts towards the needed release. Groans, moans, and whimpers filled the room, exchanged into each other's mouths.

When Cam bit down and pulled on Noel's bottom lip, he slipped his tongue in and panted his name brokenly inside. It was then he felt the other man trembling in his arms, and hot streams of cum hitting his groin. One lick over Noel's damp neck and he was done, too, shooting his cum on the contracting muscles of his coworker's stomach.

Both were gasping for air, desperate to attempt to understand what had happened. Their eyes locked on their still lust blown pupils, Cameron not able to hide his pleased smile. His heart was racing, happy when a little smirk came as return from his counterpart.

Neither of them were speaking, both still trying to fill their lungs with air, as they gathered their clothes from the floor. But after one hard working day filled with hours of restrained desire and deprived orgasms plus a sticky body, which had parts splattered with cum, he didn't want to slip back in his clothes. He wanted to let a hot shower calm and consume him, before heading to bed to be ready for tomorrow's next scenes with Noel.

Astonishingly, he didn't feel satisfied. Not even after the orgasm he just had. He was still craving something. Someone.

While Noel was still picking up his clothes from the floor, the redhead dropped his on the bed and made his way to the bathroom, his route the closest he could take to his crush. When Cameron got the other man's attention, he entered the bathroom, giving him his best seductive look and turned on the water, leaving the door wide open as an unspoken invitation he hoped Noel would get.

A few seconds later that felt like horrifying hours, he heard a pile of clothes hitting the floor. With a shy smile on his lips and blushed cheeks, the older one appeared in the doorframe, stepping behind him under the hot spray of water and pressing his wet chest to his back, kissing the spot between his shoulder blades.

He relaxed completely into Noel's arms, letting himself be kissed and stroked over his wet body. Eventually the brunet added shampoo to his caresses and started massaging Cameron’s scalp.

“Your hair is so dark under water,“ he mumbled, kissing his neck upwards to his cheek, Cam letting his head be guided. “Like it when it's your natural color.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, while rinsing out the shampoo, “reminds me of the sun.”

A warm flutter spread in his chest, and he turned around to look Noel in the eyes. “The sun, huh?” A smile formed on his lips when he raised one brow in mockery, “So I'm the center of everyone's attention.”

Noel huffed a laugh while his fingers started tracing patterns on his left bicep, “Definitely.”

“So what does that make you?”

Noel pondered for a short moment, “The moon probably,” he whispered, his gaze sinking when he presses his forehead against Cam's, his fingers still caressing that spot, “My life’s spinning around you.”

Cam's breath hitched and goosebumps spread over his skin. “That's good,” he muttered, their lips already touching, “I'm more of a night person anyway.”

He leaned down and closed the last bit of distance between them, devouring Noel's mouth and soaking up all the words that were said, while their damp bodies rubbed over their hard dicks again.

Cam remembers all too well that that night felt like a victory for him. He felt so overwhelmingly happy and excited for what was about to come; for their future to begin.

And what did follow this night, were several more orgasms from making out, humping and giving each other sloppy hand jobs, relishing Cam in the feeling of being fifteen again.

Noel stayed the whole night, kissing and stroking him to sleep. There was no need to talk, their bodies told the story of their undoubted attraction to one another on their own. At least that's what Cam thought it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I could make the hardcore Mosher fans squeek with that one. #MoonAndSun


	4. Chapter 4

It was shocking for him, that in the morning, Noel was gone. But what jabbed a bigger dagger through his aching heart and shattered his world completely, was that when they shot the scenes on the road and under the stars that night, Layla was there. It felt like a punch to his guts and a mockery to all of his hopes. But he couldn't even blame Noel. 

He _knew_ he had a girlfriend, a fiancé to be correct. It was his own fault to let his wishful expectations overcome him and turn this into something he knew could never be. They didn't even talk about the things that were going on with each other. The only words that’d been exchanged were the other's names in breathy voices.  
  
The redhead cursed himself for being so stupid, for letting the fact that his coworker was already engaged for a long period of time now and still hadn't married his girlfriend, capture his mind. The hope that there had to be something wrong in their relationship was constantly flaring in his stomach, ready to take fire. Adding to the fact that Noel never backed away from getting off with Cam as soon as they were together, the younger man came to the conclusion that there had to be more. What a tool he was!

In those moments when he was hurt the most, he wanted to withdraw himself from Noel. Move on and never look back. But since he knew he would never be strong enough to say no to Noel when they were left alone in places they seeked out, he just let it be what it already was anyway. He was Noel Fisher's affair. His mistress.  
  
Yeah, it left a bitter taste in his mouth, especially in times he was alone, but in those rare moments he had him in his arms, his scent inimitable, he knew he wasn't ready to let him go, yet. Whenever they found a place to be together, like during the last few days of shooting season 7, or maybe a party or Gala they happened to attend together, they let their bodies draw closer as soon as they found a moment alone. It felt natural. Magnetic. As if it was meant to be.  
  
Cam bit his tongue so not to confront Noel about Layla every goddamn time. He knew if he didn’t, he would lose it all. And he just couldn't let him go. He couldn't even wrap his mind around that thought.  
  
But never did he or Noel call the other for a booty call or something. It felt like an unspoken rule that would not be broken, so Cam never did it, even if he wanted to reach out to him 99% of the time. The need to touch or kiss him felt like a hole in his chest from unfulfilled desires. He'd never know if the last time really was their last. If he would ever see him again. But he couldn't let his mind go that path, it was too brutal and ripped his heart out of his chest.  
  
So since he found himself 98% of the time without him, with the never ending longing in his chest, he knew he needed distraction. After all, Noel had distractions, too. A slim, bronze-colored, big-breasted, curly haired female distraction.  
  
Luckily for him, Ruby still seemed interested, so that's what it was. When Noel had withdrawn himself after shooting season 7 again, they started dating. It was okay. He was somehow happy to have found a distraction that helped to soothe the burning under his skin. At least for a bit and at least for a while.  
  
With her drama, she was distraction enough for him to not think about the ocean in Noel's eyes for 24/7.  
  
God, he was so pathetic!

  
  
  


He definitely was. He couldn't let go of one thought - even when Noel wasn't with him, he wanted him to be with him. He wanted a constant reminder of the wonderful time they shared, since nothing and no one had ever touched him like Noel and he definitely wasn't about to let that go.

So he got a half-moon tattooed on his left bicep, the spot that Noel loved to trace with his fingers. 

It wasn't even that difficult to convey the meaning of the tattoo to Ruby or anyone else, since it was the logo of his most favorite band, LANY. 

But Noel would know. He'd understand. _His_ _moon_.

It was one of the rare times he got a text from the smaller man, that simply said, “Nice tattoo.”

His heart started galloping in his chest, _he knew._

He wanted to reply, “You're nice” but deleted it immediately. Then he typed, “Yeah, you think?” but didn't want to sound too desperate. Then he wrote, “Yeah, I like the symbolism ;)” but couldn't send that either. What if Noel didn't really get it and was just being nice? He ended up with a simple, “Thank you” and was destroyed when nothing came back anymore.

If he was being honest, he also hoped that his relationship with Ruby had a far-reaching effect. An effect for a man, who never showed, called, or usually texted.  
  
But after a good six months with Ruby, the normal days of life settled over them. When there was still no sign from a reddish blonde in sight, he found himself in the same position as in the prior months, which was precisely him jerking off to latest pictures of Noel (without Layla hovering like a second skin on him) and the endless loop of memories plaguing his mind. The nightmare of a hollow life muffling him, forcing him to make a change.  
  
With all the drama and the latest cheating Ruby did on him, he saw an easy way out of this fake relationship, ending things with her while they both worked on Shameless season 8. It was the worst season he had done in the history of Shameless, the lack of Noel's presence was never so painful. He not only missed Noel behind the scenes, he also missed Mickey on the show as Ian's's better half.  
  
The writers did such a shitty job with the character he used to love, proof that was evident in the ratings. The fandom seemed to know his character way better than the people who got paid to give him some closure on the show to deal with. That's why the Gallavich fans never got quiet. Not even after months and years Mickey was absent.  
  
The breakup with Ruby didn't even hurt him a bit. The only problem was the time he got back. Time, he again used to think about the good, old times. Was Noel still thinking about him, too?  
  
Before he could deepen the thought too much throughout the two months he was single, he decided to give dating another chance. It was still the best distraction. Again, he didn't waste a lot of time searching. His beautiful co-star Peyton, of the movie 'Anthem' he filmed while on hiatus from Shameless, seemed interested in him, so he tried hard to give it a chance.  
  
He hoped that touching her, or being touched by her would have the same impact on his body than Noel's trembling hands had on his skin. It never did. But it was good. At least good enough to let it deepen. Peyton was a fun person, shared a few of his interests and understood the show business just well. He didn't have to explain when he was away for a few weeks, or told her he was too tired to meet her after a long day of work. Truth was, some moments he still craved the solitude to relish in memories of Noel and their special time together.  
  
He was more optimistic for this relationship to liven him up than the one with Ruby. It felt like it was under good terms to make him partially happy and distract him from the obvious.  
  
Then Noel married Layla out of the blue one month later. It felt like a punch to his stomach, like someone tried to rip him from the inside out. He cried for days, knowing that this was the end. Noel made a decision, and he made it pretty clear.  
  
It was also the moment the redhead knew he needed to make one as well. He couldn't build his life on the hope of something that was never going to happen. He needed a cut to be able to make a fresh start. And he knew exactly where he needed to make the first cut before a few were to follow.  
  
He needed everything that reminded him of Noel gone. And the place that kept his memories alive the most, was the Shameless set. So his decision was clear: he's going to do one last season, or more precisely, a few episodes and then he was out.  
  
He talked to John Wells about it and they started writing him closure for his story. Cam just didn't know that this closure meant Noel. He wouldn't say he was shocked about it when he learned who was going to be there when the curtain fell for him. It was more like a panic attack he feared would have deadly consequences.  
  
He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't rest for days. Anxiety about their reunion followed him like a black cloud above his head. He was in sheer misery. He tried to spend as much time with Peyton as possible, the distraction at least helping to not lose it completely.  
  
He tried talking himself into not making the mistake of falling into the old routine with Noel again. He wouldn't survive it this time to taste his lips again and see him leaving like he always did. This time has to be different, for his own heart's sake. He was even a bit hopeful, that after all this time things could've changed for him, right? Who said that the chemistry and emotions still had to be there? Feelings change over the course of years. And eighteen months without seeing or hearing from each other is definitely a long fucking time.  
  
Damn, who was he even kidding? The moment Noel entered the Warner Bros Studios in LA, he was done. Like always.  
  
Blue eyes met green and all the various layers of emotion erupted again. He felt strong and weak at the same time, confident and shy, happy and sad. He felt love and heartbroken.  
  
Whatever had been going on between them over the years hadn't changed a bit. The moment they locked eyes for the first time it sparked a fire in Cam he didn't even know he had in him to begin with. And if Noel's blown pupils, his hitched breath, and his lip bites were any indication, his presence knocked him for a loop as well.  
  
Of course their interaction in front of the camera led them to a sweet and chaste make out session in the bottom bunk bed of their now shared prison cell. And of course it did things to his lower body when he was laying above Noel, who was slightly grinding up on him.  
  
Why did he even invest time and energy drafting the plan of celibacy in regards to Noel? To build it up and stick to it only in his head was exhausting enough. He should've known there was no way of getting through with it.  
  
They were both a devastated mess after filming the scene. It was no surprise that the moment they were left alone in the wardrobe trailer that they went for each other, touching, rubbing, and kissing all the spots they obviously _both_ missed. It was frantic, hectic and needy and Cam knew that if they kept kissing like that after all the previous build up, he was going to jizz his boxers and possibly even the yellow prison suit from set.  
  
"Stop," he whispered around Noel's tongue in his mouth, detaching himself from the kiss.  
  
Their chests were heaving, a shimmery string of salvia still connecting them for a few more beats, until Cam pulled his head away and stepped back.  
  
Need and lust was written all over the older man's face, mirroring Cam's raw emotions that breached the surface.  
  
"Bring me home," Noel uttered, staring directly in the redhead's eyes.  
  
"What?" Shocked, Cam took another step back. "I'm not driving you home to your _wife_." He didn't even want the last word coming out so bitter, and yet he let it fall roughly from his lips.  
  
Noel took the two steps back towards him, gripping his face, "To _you_." He pecked his lips two more times again, before he stared dead serious into Cam's eyes, letting his wishes for the night be known. Cam knew he should've turned him down, should've changed to his clothes and gone home alone. But he had always been a sucker for love, and the slightest bit of hope had him acting like a needy bitch. The moment he realized he was going to spend the night with the man of his dreams, a smile bloomed on his face, and Noel must've known he had won the battle. He ruffled Cam's hair and added a breathy "Smartass" to his former statement.  
  
Both adjusting their leaking dicks in their boxers, they got dressed and called an Uber.  
  
First Cam thought it was a good idea to throw some small talk in there, asking his coworker and friend how he was doing over the last few years, and how his life was. But when Noel muttered a 'Good' it was enough information for him to hear. He didn't wanna know more about his fabulous wedding, honeymoon or their grand marriage, while he lived through the silhouettes of life, always feeling only half full.  
  
So he stopped asking stupid fucking questions he knew that were getting him all the wrong answers, and started palming him over the fabric, instead.  
  
Noel's head bowed back, his eyelids fluttering close, while he emitted the softest sounds through his parted lips, that were only made for Cam to hear. Cam knew then and there that he was definitely gonna jizz his pants, it was only a matter of right now or in about ten seconds.  
  
Seemed like his lover was about to lose it as well, before he snapped Cam's hand off him, "Stop," he muttered, while biting down hard on his lips and leaning in closer, "wanna feel you, when I cum."  
  
Feeling a hot shiver running down his spine, Cam decided it was for the best when they not only stopped touching, but also talking and looking at each other. The tension was unbearable.  
  
So staring blankly out of the window and willing his stupidly erect dick to flag down, had to do it then for the remaining fifteen minutes of their ride. To say it felt like hell was an understatement, when all Cam wanted to do was rip Noel's clothes off his body.  
  
How far were they going to take it this time? Giving each other sloppy hand jobs for about thirty seconds just like teens like they did last time, or was Noel in for more?  
  
The redhead knew he was definitely in for more, that he needed to taste Noel and at least feel him from the inside with his fingers. The thought alone was overwhelming. The fantasy to fuck him has floated in his head the last few months, humiliating enough to admit, that it had brought him to orgasm several times he slept with Peyton.  
  
PEYTON. _Fuck!_ He forgot her the moment Noel came into the studios today, the thought of her not once crossed his mind.  
  
A little relief spread through him when he remembered she told him that she was going to sleep at her house tonight, partying with her brother Spencer, before.  
  
Yeah, of course he felt bad for cheating. But this was Noel. It's probably a once-in-a-lifetime chance, add to that they both dropped out of Shameless which reduced the opportunities to meet anywhere else but the set. And regarding his thrumming heart, Noel could just be the love of his life. So he wouldn't let this moment go. Not for someone he knew had an expiration date.  
  
He chided himself for thinking this way, forgetting Peyton all over again and starting to fear the moment of letting Noel go (probably this time for good).  
  
He was thankful when the car stopped right in front of his condo and they both jumped out quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

The moment the front door closed behind them, Cameron was on Noel's lips, happy when the shorter one reciprocated instantly and let him in. He pushed him back until Noel hit the railing of the back wall, spreading his thighs with his hips and starting to work the friction.  
  
They were both back to full hardness in an instant, since it seemed they both had never lost it completely. When the still colored brunet broke the kiss to moan, the jingle of the door rang out and Cam pulled Noel at the collar of his jacket into the living room of his apartment. From there on, everything felt in a haze, his libido carrying him through the motions.  
  
"I want you," Noel uttered between heady kisses, already freeing Cam from his jacket and shirt and tracing his now visible half-moon tattoo on his bicep with his fingers, “my sun”. The redhead shuddered, not only from the touch alone. He wanted this statement to have so much more meaning than it probably had. But since it most obviously didn't, he bit his lip to not return the sentiment.  
  
Frisky hands were grabbing, pushing all the interfering fabric off and tossing it on the floor all the way from the living room to the bedroom. The way they were on each other, as if they were starving to death, gave him the impression that today could be more than just a handjob, which turned the sparkle of hope into a burning fire of need inside Cam's belly.  
  
"So bad," the brunet added to his former statement, pushing the redhead onto the bed and straddling his hips.  
  
A pang of pain and jealousy hit him right in the chest, his eyes stinging from the burn of bitter tears. "You have me," he admitted, not able to bite back the truth anymore. Even if Cam feared it wouldn't be reciprocated after that night, he didn't want to deny it anymore, "always had me."  
  
Noel stopped rutting frantically against him, a sad look crossing his face while he stared him down. He bit hard down his pillowy lips, while his eyes were almost brimming over with tears. At that moment, Cam wanted to tell him everything, confess his love and beg him to stay. But that moment faded quickly, as the older one scooted down, taking Cam's pants and boxers with him.  
  
"What are you doing?" Cam asked, as he propped up on his elbows, watching his crush in awe as he wrapped a hand around his painfully hard dick and nosing in his pubic hair. Cam could've crawled up the walls from that feeling alone.  
  
"I wanna have you," Noel mumbled into the pulsating vein on the underside of Cam's cock, as he gave his first lick from the base to the head, "taste you."  
  
The redhead's eyes fluttered close, his elbows giving out under him, letting him collapse on the mattress again. He felt a tongue teasing the wet slit of his dick and to say it drove him fucking wild was the understatement of the year. Mutual groans were punched out of his chest, his lungs constricting to suck in some air.  
  
When he heard Noel humming in appreciation around his head, he forced his eyes to snap back open to watch this at least for the few rare seconds it was going to last. "Noel," he warned as the well known heat started to spread inside of him, his body beginning to tremble lightly.  
  
The brunet seemed to take it as an encouragement, swallowing him down for the first time and engulfing Cam's dick in his throat.  
  
That was too much. "Gonna-", he started his second warning, as his toes began to curl and a full wave of endorphins hit him, but it was too late. His statement was cut off by the loudest high pitched moan he ever emitted, as he came down Noel's throat.  
  
Despite everything he thought was going to happen, the older man swallowed everything eagerly, symbolizing for Cam once more, that this time was more than just a frantic and desperate getting each other off. This time was different.  
  
A flash of hope overtook his body, when he locked eyes with the man between his shaking legs, a satisfied smile spread on Noel's face. Cam took two more deep breaths, trying to come down from the best high he'd ever had. He knew he wouldn't be able to process it anyway right now, so for the sake of the moment he just wanted it to go on.  
  
He hooked his hands under Noel's armpits, pulled him up and flipped him over. He stole one fierce kiss, relishing the taste of himself on his lover's tongue, letting the primal feeling of claiming him, lull him, before he kissed his path down his body. Every perfectly shaped pink nipple got the same special treatment, his teeth scraping over, teasing him, before he swiped his slick tongue over the same spot. The brunet shook under his touch, his rock hard dick leaving wet pearls on Cam's chest. He himself was back to full hardess as well, so fucking turned on from the scene unfolding in front of him.  
  
Noel's fingers twisted in red strands of hair, as he stretched his hips upwards, closer to Cam's chest to feel some friction on his pulsating length. Feeling the other man's despair, he kissed further down, pushing his hips back into the mattress and nosing around Noel's arousal.  
  
"Cam," a shattered breath was huffed out of the older man, when the redhead started licking him around the tip, "finger me."  
  
Surprised at the demand, Cam let the salty head of Noel's dick plop out of his mouth, staring at him wide eyed. It was as if all of his wishes came true.  
  
Well, not _all_ of them...  
  
Still, he was sure it was almost too good to be true, which was probably the reason for his dumbfounded look.  
  
He saw a flash of panic in Noel's baby blue eyes, before the brunet clarified, "Wanna feel you in me."  
  
He seemed a bit insecure, since Cameron hadn't answered for a few seconds. But he wanted it. _God_ , he wanted it so bad. "Fuck, yeah," he breathed, the cold air of his exhale tickling the other man around his wet arousal.  
  
As if startled from the pleasure, Noel shot upwards and pulled the pants the Cam just removed back towards him. Within seconds he handed the confused looking redhead a few packs of lube, confirming what Cam had hoped. This night wasn't impromptu, it was well planned. Noel planned this. He wanted this long before he'd seen Cam on set that day.  
  
And Cam wanted this as well. This aching want for Noel was something that has been inside him for so long. He's learned to live with it, but never actually thought he'd get it. The fact that he had him trembling underneath him tore him almost apart with desperate desire.  
  
He didn't waste another second. When Noel was back in his former position, laying on his back with bent knees and staring up at Cam, the younger one went down again with some fingers coated in lube. He let his tongue swipe flatly over the leaking slit again, before he inserted the first finger knuckle deep.  
  
Noel jolted. His fingers fisted Cam's hair again and he pushed his cock deeper into Cam's mouth. Even though the redhead found it magnificent to watch his finger slip deeper inside the tight heat of Noel's body, he couldn't tear his eyes away from his beautiful, flushed face. The deeper he thrusted his finger inside, the wilder Noel got, wagging his head left and right with eyes squeezed shut and parted lips. It was so hot that Cam didn't wait to give him another finger.  
  
" _Aaah_ ," Noel cried, shaking from pleasure, while Cam sucked hard on his dick and scissored him inside. It was such an other worldly experience, that he started to rub his groin automatically against the mattress, the feeling of Noel's constricting hole too overwhelming to bear. "Give me another one," Noel panted and whined when Cam followed suit, "Oh shit!"  
  
The redhead wasn't able to focus anymore, the want and need driving him completely nuts, intensifying his actions. He swallowed him further down and thrusted his fingers deeper, obviously hitting a spot. "Fuuuuuck!" Noel keened, panting frantically, his hips jerking. Cam still watched.  
  
He watched as Noel's brows knitted in pleasure; his lips forming to an O, while he emitted the most beautiful sounds, his chest heaved, his hands fisted his hair harder, and his body spasmed. It was one second before he moaned Cam's name, and shot down his throat.  
While the younger man sucked him through his ongoing orgasm and savored the taste, his eyes shot down and watched in awe, how Noel's ass contracted around his fingers. The thought about how good this pulsating constriction would probably feel around his dick had him gone. One more shove over the mattress and he came a second time within a few minutes, riding the high with Noel together.  
  
When his jaw started to hurt too much, he licked one more time around the head to make sure he's got everything from Noel that was there for him to take and pulled off. With another swift motion he withdrew his three fingers, hearing the other man wince and collapsed on his back next to Noel. The wet spot he made on the mattress was already forgotten. 

  
Both took five deep breaths together, before turning their heads towards each other and locking eyes. Cam's still galloping heart sped up a notch, well aware of the weight this moment carried along. Is Noel going to take a step closer to Cam, or is he running in the opposite direction once again?  
  
But Cam couldn't see any angst in them. Or what he feared the most: shame. He looked content, free. He looked happy and caring. The redhead was sure he caught these emotions in baby blue eyes, before Noel gave him certainty - he started chuckling, his hands tapping his chest with every raise of his ribcage.  
  
Warm, buzzing relief spread in the younger man's body before he began to join in the laughter. Not knowing what _exactly_ was so funny, he let himself giggle a few more moments, hoping that this wasn't Noel's way of losing it, before they let it die out.  
  
A few hundred questions ran through Cam's mind in the heavy silence of the situation. But the only thing that came out of his mouth, was this dumb question, "How'd you know you'd like it?" Noel stared at him perplexed, his expression still slightly amused. "The fingering, " Cam added for explanation.  
  
"Tried it," he shrugged nonchalantly, staring expressionless at the ceiling.  
  
The answer hit Cam straight in the chest. It wasn't what he had expected. "Oh," he started to gather his thoughts, not wanting them to go in a specific direction. "So out of the blue you were curious about it, huh?"  
  
"Yeah," the blue eyed man admitted, turning his face back towards him, searching for emerald green. Since they were probably clouded with uncertainty, Noel was quick to explain himself further, "Thought about it a lot since the last time, we - you know." He shrugged again, his finger once more finding Cam's half moon tattoo  
  
Excitement bubbled up inside Cam, before the one specific thought washed it all away. He couldn't hold it back anymore. "And then you tried it with Layla, or -?"  
  
"No!" Noel yelled the response into Cam's bedroom, his brows knitting together. If Cam wouldn't have known it better, he would've thought Noel looked almost shell shocked. "God no," he added again.

There was a long stretch of silence, in which both of them shifted uncomfortably on the mattress, not knowing where to go from there. But then Noel spoke quietly up again. "It only works when I'm thinking about you."  
  
Cam caught a blush on Noel's cheeks, feeling a hot flush creeping up his own neck. And for the short moment that this statement hung uncommented in the air, he let himself want. He'd wanted things he'd never let himself think about it before.  
  
He'd wanted to hold Noel, not only for the rare moments they stole away after filming scenes, he'd wanted to fully hold him. Touch him. _Have_ him.  
  
He'd wanted to go out for pizza and beers, hold his hand, laugh at his dorky jokes, nudge their knees, before going home and stumble their way to the bedroom with frantic kisses and longing touches.  
  
He'd wanted to have lazy mornings with Noel, where they both wouldn't get out of bed and would watch random movies or series on Netflix, completely lost in the storylines because they wouldn't keep their fingers and eyes off each other. He'd wanted to trace the features of his beautiful face and memorize every faded freckle on his skin.  
  
He'd wanted to nuzzle his nose in the crook of his neck and inhale his scent until there's nothing else he's smelling.  
  
Cam had wanted Noel in a way, he's never wanted someone in his life. And that's the thing that was killing him.  
  
He didn't just crave the intimacy and the intense orgasms that were bound to happen when they were both left alone in a room. And _god_ did he crave those...  
  
But it's also their talks, their jokes or the way they looked at each other. As if the room was constricting to just the other one and nothing else mattered anymore. Everything else faded to the background.  
  
Cam was sure he could look in those baby blues for 24 hours; could listen to his voice for even longer - let alone savor the noises he was making when they made out; he'd wanted to make it his profession to study his face when it twitched and knitted when he was laughing - how the wrinkles around his eyes were the perfect frame for the most beautiful blue eyes he'd ever seen.  
  
Just being in Noel's presence made his heart beat a thousand times faster. And that's when he knew for sure, while he was still laying by his side in silence, he was head over heels in love with Noel. And there was no going back. He wanted all or nothing.  
  
No, not _nothing_. He wanted _all_ and more.  
  
"Hey," a soft voice said as fingers threaded in his hair brought him back to reality, "where are you? What are you thinking?"  
  
A slight smile was on Noel's face, reassuring him that now was the right time for that talk. "I'm thinking about the moon," he admitted, turning his whole body towards Noel and snuggling closer, "always thinking about my moon."  
  
"That's good," the brunet sighed, laying a soft kiss on Cam's puffy lips, "think about you, too."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Yeah, of course," Noel confessed softly, wrapping his legs around Cam's thighs to get even closer. His fingers started to play with cut red locks on the redhead's chest. "Couldn't think of a lot else the last few years."  
  
"Even on your wedding day?" It was out of his mouth, before the younger man could even consider it. 

The stroking stopped abruptly, blue eyes snapped back up and glared at him. Cam knew he hit a spot, but he didn't want to back off anymore. He needed to know what was going on, why Noel initiated everything tonight and made comments that gave Cam hope, but acted so differently the last few years. He needed to know where they stood.  
  
A few moments passed, in which Noel barely breathed and watched tears welling up in Cam's eyes, before his expression turned softer and he reached out to cup Cam's cheek. While his thumb drew patterns into Cameron's skin, leaving a pricking feeling everywhere he touched, he spoke, "Yeah. Even on my wedding day."  
  
"Then why did you marry her?" Cam's mind was spiraling, all unanswered questions that were drowning him completely the last few years, bubbled up to the surface; the pain, anger and fear unable to stop. He scooted a bit backwards, needing some air to breathe.  
  
Noel seemed to get his hurt, his look as comforting as possible, while there was definitely fear in there as well. "Because," he started and Cam could see him struggling for words, "because we thought it was a good idea to remedy things that were long beyond remedy already."  
  
Cam let it sink in. Noel admitted that his relationship wasn't able to be fixed anymore. At least that's what he thought he had heard.  
  
"Plus you always had your girlfriends. _Have_ your girlfriends."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I mean -" Noel thumbed his nose and bottom lip, a nervous mannerism that he also gave his character, Mickey, "you didn't seem to miss me much."  
  
"EXCUSE ME? _What the fuck_?"  
  
Noel withdrew himself as well, both propping up on their elbows.  
  
Cam's chest was heaving from anger and pain. "All I did was miss you," he spit out, unable to stop the hurtful memories from capturing him, "some days were so bad, I couldn't eat or sleep or work. The girls I dated were the only distraction that helped me from getting lost in my own thoughts and pain. _You_ were the one in a constant relationship," he sat up fully, pointing at Noel, " _You_ were the one that got engaged and married. Not me."  
  
Noel's chest was lifting and sinking rapidly as well, his blue eyes brimming with tears. "I know," he said quietly, biting hard down his lips, "I know."  
  
When Cam didn't speak any further, he continued, "It's just - the thing with us, when it started, it got me. I was completely overwhelmed and confused. I mean, truth be told, I enjoyed it from the beginning, but I didn't _let_ myself enjoy it from the beginning, you know."  
  
Cam tried to steady his breathing, tried to ready himself for the explanation he was due to hear. "I was already with Layla for a while and loving her was the only thing I knew back then. I didn't have a lot of experience before her. I wasn't the most attractive teenager back then, wasn't popular or anything. But I was ok with not going to a lot of parties or dating girls. I tried to focus on acting classes and my career. So kissing you for the first time, threw me for a loop. I panicked, thought that this might be my teenage self trying to make up for many lost opportunities to experiment before settling down. So I proposed to her."  
  
Cam huffed a sarcastic laugh, not able to look at Noel at that moment. He was busy holding the tears in. "The moment I saw you again, I knew how wrong I was, though. I knew that this was more than just living my lost youth. I couldn't deny the sparks I felt when I was with you."  
  
The redhead tried to fight the lump in his throat, looking at Noel and finding him swallowing hard as well. "Still. I couldn't get over the idea that I _knew_ I was straight. I couldn't be gay or bi, right? I mean...I spent years loving Layla. And that's what I tried to continue to do. Just that when we made out again, I started to admit to myself, that there was a strong emotion and connection between us. I just blamed our good chemistry on screen for it. That this was our way to shake the tension of a scene off."  
  
Cam didn't speak. He hoped this was not the end of the speech. He couldn't deal with just 'getting the tension off'. So he breathed deeply and watched his crush struggle as he continued. "You never texted, or called. But instead started to date other girls. So I thought that my weird explanation for -" he started to wave his hand awkwardly between them, " _this_ might be true anyway. That you just wanted to get the tension off, even though I started realizing that it wasn't like that for me. I was thinking about you way too often for it to only be about our shoots."  
  
"I just dated them, cause you were with Layla and never reached out to me," he blurted, not able to hold back anymore.  
  
"Well, shit," Noel snorted bitterly, "I just stayed with Layla, because you dated other girls."  
  
Years of denial, pain and frustration hang heavy in the silence between them, both obviously considering how many wonderful opportunities they had missed, because no one dared to pick up the fucking phone. It stung.  
  
"Again I told myself that these were just slips, especially for you, and that I needed to continue with my life. With Layla. I told myself that the feelings would come back on it's own then."  
  
"Did they?"  
  
"No," Noel's pupils were fixed on his fingers that played with the blanket, a sad smile crossing his lips, "they never did. And all the while I was trying to figure my shit out, I also lost one of my closest confidantes over time. Layla."  
  
Cam squinted his face, not exactly getting what Noel wanted to say. The older one was still avoiding his gaze, as if the memory of that time hurt too much.  
  
"I retreated and she resigned. It was a hard time and we knew that we needed to make a change. So, breakup or marriage it was."  
  
"You decided for marriage."  
  
"We _both_ decided for marriage," Noel's eyes snapped back up for the first time, locking in, "even though we both already knew our relationship was doomed to fail. You," he hesitated for a moment, "you were dating Ruby at that time we decided it. And the one time I reached out to you about your tattoo, it didn't seem like you were interested in more. So even though it was a hard decision to make, I thought I made the right one. But again, things with Layla didn't get better. There was one night, she asked me if I had someone else." Now it was Cam's eyes that bored into blue ones, his heart sped up slightly, "Told her I didn't. Which was true, cause you seemed pretty happy with Peyton and we weren't even in contact. So it would've been a lie if I said 'yes', even though my heart wanted to. Even though my heart was captured by you."  
  
Noel took a deep breath through his nose, his nostrils flattering from emotion. With a sad look he watched Cam fighting to hold back the tears. But he failed. One from each eye dropped down heavily.  
  
"Still, I felt like a liar. I felt so shitty the last few years of our relationship, I needed a break. She didn't deserve to have such a shit husband."  
  
"It was her decision to stay in this relationship as well," Cam reminded him, feeling a bit of anger flashing up, when Noel talked that badly about himself. He wasn't responsible for her. For her well being. Even though he could understand her decision to stay with him. Cam probably couldn't leave him as well.  
  
"Yeah. Still I felt like I owed her. At least the truth. Or half of it. I told her that I cheated on her with a man."  
  
Cam's mouth gaped open, "You did?"  
  
"I did. I just didn't tell her it was you, since you were -" something dark clouded Noel's otherwise bright blue eyes and he lowered his gaze back to his fingers again, " _are_ still with Peyton."  
  
"Noel, I-"  
  
"No, no. Let me get this out first," he pleaded and Cam nodded reluctantly. "Surprisingly, things got better, since Layla admitted that she didn't have feelings for me either anymore. So we both didn't have to act like we were a happy married couple anymore. It was refreshing. For the first time it felt like we _were_ together, even though we weren't. We started to spend more time together, we went out, met friends, started to have a lot of fun, just without all the relationship stuff. We grew even closer and it felt like the pieces of my life came finally back together. I mean, one piece was always missing," he shot Cam a knowing look, hitting him square in the chest, "but at least other things clicked back in place."  
  
A few moments of silence passed, before the redhead couldn't bite his tongue anymore, "Why didn't you get divorced?"  
  
"Because I didn't have you," Noel shot back quick on the trigger, as if he didn't even have to doubt his decision for a bit, "and if I lost Layla and the life we built together as well, I would have nothing. Step by step we rebuilt our lives, I didn't want to ruin it again. Also, Layla doesn't have someone else, so we figured, it wouldn't make a difference."  
  
"It makes a difference to me."  
  
Their glassy eyes locked and held. So much has been said. So many scars were brought back to the surface, just to be able to maybe start healing. Cam wanted all of them healed. His. Noel's. Hell, even Layla's.  
  
Even though there were still so many more things that needed to be said, he couldn't bring himself to it, at that moment. He felt empty and numb. But that wasn't just a bad feeling at all. For the first time in years, he felt at ease, without several thousands of questions drowning him.  
  
Noel had feelings for him. All this time. And as sad as that was, it was also pretty beautiful. He decided that above all the hurt that bubbled up in the last hour, he wanted to relish _that_ feeling. That right now in the bed of his home, everything shifted back to being right. Noel was here and he wanted to feel just that, without thinking of the future.  
  
So he scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Noel's waist, pulling him on top of his lap. Within seconds their mouths were back on each other and their hips rocking for friction.  
  
The emotional release was quickly followed by a physical one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we landed in present tense, enjoy their ride ;)

"Noel? Cam? Your next scene starts in ten." They hear the voice of Billie, one of the set assistants, who's banging against Cam's trailer. 

A few months have passed since their night in Cameron's apartment. A few months that were completely different from the ones before. They called, they texted, they sexted. And whenever there was time and they both were in LA, they met. Sometimes at Cam's, sometimes in hotel rooms, rarely at Noel's house, since Layla didn't know about them yet. It was cool for Cam, he understood. At least that's what he's telling himself for a few weeks.

First, they tried to figure out what's going on between them on their own, without destroying everything they had around them. So Noel continued his platonic marriage with Layla and Cam tried to pull the relationship with Peyton through, until the premiere of their movie 'Anthem' was done. 

During this time he didn't see Noel a lot. Turned out that his lover was a very jealous one and fights broke out whenever Peyton was mentioned. But it was in Cameron's and Peyton's contract to not break up officially before the promotion of the film was over. And even though Noel knew that, and also knew that Cam and Peyton weren't officially dating anymore, since Cam withdrew himself after that night with Noel, it always ended in a fight or at least discussion, whenever he had to go on an event with her. 

No need to mention that the same happened with Noel bringing up Layla, or pictures of them popping up. It was hard. But somehow Cam didn't press further, since he knew that the upcoming shoot of Shameless season 10 will give them enough time together, to maybe finally set the next step in their - whatever it was that they had going. 

They dated. Probably. Not officially. That's why they couldn't be seen outside from the set together. They just sneaked their way into their time together, enjoying their ordered food or sometimes even a nasty Kentucky Fried Chicken, watching TV, discussing schedules or current topics, but mostly they were on each other. In bed, in the shower, on the table, the list was long and ongoing. 

When Cam and Noel had two days with one sleepover together, they both were physically exhausted afterwards. Their lips were raw and sore and their dicks ached wonderfully painful. 

They kissed and touched, exchanged blowjobs and handjobs, dry humped into oblivion and every once in a while, Noel wanted to be fingered. But that was it. They haven't done anything more than that, even though Cam is more than ready to and he has the feeling Noel as well. Both just seem too shy to bring it up. 

But Cam needs a next step, he needs to see that they're both still going in the same direction; that there's progress and they aren’t stagnant. Even though everything is fine since they started to shoot for season 10, he still needs affirmation every once in a while. Needs to hear that Noel still wants him as much as Cameron needs him. Otherwise he would go crazy, having to see Noel returning home to Layla every once in a while. 

"Shit," Noel pants, rubbing his hard but clothed dick over Cam's in a frantic motion, "we should probably go back to set."

"We definitely should," the redhead retorts, lifting Noel up by his asscheeks and setting him down on the table of his trailer with his thighs spread wide for his hips to fit in. 

"So _stop_ ," the colored brunet pleads, as Cam kisses his way from his neck to his ear, while his hips keep rolling over and over, making it harder to end it right there. 

"Can't." 

"Shit, fuck," Noel curses further, biting down hard on his lips, before he shoves Cam off, "Okay, okay," he gasps for air, holding his arm out to keep the eager redhead at length, "we should definitely shift this to another place before it gets out of hand."

"I want it to get out of hand," Cameron admits, full of hunger, before he can stop himself to let the words out. 

Dark eyebrows lift in surprise, as one long breath leaves Noel's chest. "Yeah?" he asks, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips, "You have something specific in mind?" 

"Yes!" Cam exclaims, adjusting his straining junk in his pants, to not put themselves in an embarrassing situation on set, "I do. Tonight, 9:00 pm, my apartment. Be prepared." 

Noel clicks his tongue, before jumping off the table and adjusting himself with a spark of excitement in his eyes. "Be prepared, huh? Something I should bring to the event?" 

A smile spreads over Cam's freckled face, as he unlocks the door, "Your ass," he says with a goofy grin on his lips, "I just need your ass."  
  
  
  


The door hasn't even shut completely, before they slotted their mouths together, too eager and hungry for each other. The chemistry between them is some sort of lust filled affection that Cam didn't know existed until he grew closer to Noel. Breathing him in with every kiss drags him into a swivel of overwhelming emotions, making him helpless and strong at the same time. He can't even think about how connected he's going to be with this man, it makes him almost black out. 

But despite feeling like he's on fire, the redhead needs to make sure that Noel knows what they are about to do and that they are still on the same page. "Couldn't wait for this to happen," he pants, while he drags him towards his bedroom and fumbles frantically with the hem of his shirt, all the while trying to stay attached to his lips, "Up, up, up!" 

To say he's in a hurry to get this man naked and underneath him is an understatement. The still colored brunet laughs while lifting his shirt over his head and tosses it away. "Yeah, it's about time," he mumbles, before leaning in for another kiss. 

Somehow Cam manages to be undressed to his boxers when they collide with the bed and drops ass down on the mattress, pulling Noel onto his lap. "Why aren't you naked, yet?" he groans in frustration, his tongue licking from Noel's chin, over his lips, before plunging back in.

"Because you barely gave me a second to breathe, let alone undress myself," he chuckles breathlessly into Cam's mouth, while Cameron's finger digs into the flesh of his still clothed ass. 

The younger man stops his actions, locking the gaze that's barely an inch from him, "Do you complain?" 

"Fuck, no!" Noel's fingers skim from his neck to his scalp, threading into red locks and pulling him back in, "I’ve wanted to have you inside me for so long!" 

Cam's heart skipped a beat at that, the love for this man overcoming him. So they kiss for a few minutes, sweet kisses with just a little tongue, until their breathing is getting more and more labored and the kisses a little less gentle, again. 

Breaking the seal of their mouths, Noel hops off Cam's lap, who's almost whining at the loss, to strip down to his boxers as well. The redhead licks his lips in anticipation, as he sees the straining tent and wet spot Noel is sporting, grabs him by the waist and pulls him back forward. He starts kissing the soft skin around Noel's navel and trails his tongue towards his chest. He can feel the effect he's having on the other one, noticing that he's leaning all his weight into Cam's touch, bending above him. It encourages him to suck a little harder on his skin, before he scrapes his nipples with his teeth and pulls Noel's boxes down with one quick shove. 

When his hand wraps around Noel's hard length, he can feel the other man shivering in his arms, moaning ever so slightly. Goddamn, how's he supposed to last when this is wrecking him already completely?! 

His thumb is making circles around the tip of Noel’s cock, feeling moisture building there and his mind is wandering in a new direction immediately. He starts kissing his way back down, the desire to taste him too strong.

But Noel straightens his back and pushes his head off. "Don't you dare to blow me right now, or this thing will be over before we even start."

Now it's Cam's turn to laugh at that, resting his chin on Noel's belly and looking, almost pouting, back up to him. "Alright, what do you want me to do, then?" 

For a moment there's silence, both just staring panting at each other, before Noel starts tracing Cam’s half-moon tattoo with his finger. When he’s done, he gathers the courage to speak, "Finger me open and then fuck me already." 

Without any form of objection, Cam stands up, cups Noel's cheeks and bends his head down for another passionate kiss. He slowly but steadily turns them around and lays his lover with his back on the mattress, crawling on top of him, without ever stopping the kiss. Somehow he even manages to get his own boxers off beforehand. 

The need to touch his own pulsating dick is overwhelming, but he knows just as Noel, if he goes for it, this will be over way too soon. So he ignores the aching feeling and focuses fully on the man who's beneath him. While he kisses and licks the crook of Noel's neck and his lower body rolls down on him, his fingers fumble for the prepared things on the nightstand until he grabs hold of the lube. 

The brunet's hands trail down his back, until they land on his ass cheeks, kneading them and spurring him on to slam his hips with more vehemence down on him. It takes a moment until the redhead has successfully coated his fingers with lube. He reaches down and spreads Noel's thighs with his wrist, the other arm is propped up on the elbow, right beside his lover's beautiful face. 

The next moment, Cam untangles their tongues and draws back slightly, just so that their noses are still touching, but he can watch Noel while his fingers breach him. And that's not a sight he'd want to miss. 

When he starts with the penetration, blue eyes roll in the back of his head, a soft sigh escapes his parted lips. A shiver runs down Noel's spine, as he can feel him trembling under him. Cam doesn't know where to focus on - the beauty of his man's face, or the tight heat around his digits he knows he's going to enter soon. They both drive him insane. 

When he adds the second finger, he starts kissing the sinful lips again, hoping the distraction will help Noel to endure the pain. He scissors his fingers and stretches the muscles, but no sight of discomfort is shown on his favorite face. On the contrary - Noel bites hard down his bottom lip, but the pleased moans keep coming out of his mouth nonetheless. It's fucking amazing. Cam can't wait to finally get inside of him and be connected in the closest possible way. 

Since his dick is already begging for attention and he has to keep himself from humping Noel's thigh three times, he's probably gonna burst. He inserts the third and the last finger, straining him with circulating motions. Noel's fingernails dig deep into the flesh of Cam's hips, probably leaving half moon marks there. Noel is already on the edge, the redhead figures it when he jabs his sweet spot and Noel lets out a keen shout. "STOP! _Fuck_!" he pants, ripping his eyes open and gazing at Cameron with lust blown eyes, "Get in me. I'm ready." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah. Never been so ready before." 

The younger one smiles cheesily at this confession and withdraws his fingers. While he's eagerly grabbing the condom from the nightstand and tearing it open with his teeth, Noel's finger suddenly wrap around his already oversensitive cock, making him jerk from this touch alone and giving him the feeling of being electrified. 

He's so going to cum after three good thrusts. Shit, who is he kidding? _Two_. 

He bites down on his inner cheeks to keep his orgasm at bay and after a few tugs from Noel, the older one lets go. "Fuck, I can't wait to feel you inside me," he stammers and Cam decides he better squeeze his balls as well, so not shoot it right here and there. 

When the condom is finally on, he kneels inside the brunet's thighs and pushes his legs higher for a better angle. He spreads some lube on his dick and guides it to the hole that's waiting for the final connection to begin. With one last glance at Noel, he nods his readiness before his eyes watch him slowly entering his love. 

A lot of 'fuck's' are moaned into the silence, until Cam has bottomed out, both panting from exhaustion and excitement. "Tell me when you're ready," Cameron whispers, bending down to give Noel another kiss, while he waits for him to adjust to the feeling. He himself is thankful for the short pause, savoring the way his dick is embraced from Noel's tight heat. He breathes in deeply to will his ever impending orgasm to ebb away, before licking over Noel's lips again and slipping his tongue in. 

He doesn't know how long they're laying connected like this - could be seconds, could be minutes. He just knows that when Noel starts wiggling underneath him so that his dick is slightly pushed in and out of his hole, it knocks the air out of his lungs. 

Before he can fully gather what's happening, Noel tells him that he's ready, and Cam starts slowly rolling his hips. After a few measured thrusts, he pushes back up into the kneeling position, grabs Noel's thighs to spread him more open and starts moving a bit faster and deeper. As if it wasn't hard enough to keep it together and give Noel what he wants for at least a few minutes, it's all even more devastating by the way the brunet is watching him, as he fucks him good and slow. 

"God, yeah!" Noel breathes, his hands stroking Cam's chest and abdomen.

Cam's brain isn't able to form words, though, so he only emits blissful moans as he's riding the high of fucking Noel. He can't tear his eyes away from where he thrusts into Noel, staring, completely mesmerized by the red, puckered hole that's stretched around his dick. 

"You like how I feel around you?" 

Noel's broken voice makes Cameron shiver, forcing his eyes to look back up at his man. "Yeah," he sighs, when he finds him watching him in awe. It makes his heart hammering even harder inside his chest. Just as he's sinking into a kind of blissful oblivion of goosebumps and shallow breathing, he feels Noel clenching around his dick and nearly cums at the overwhelming contraction. " _Fuuuuuuck_!" he cries, licking his dry lips and closing his eyes to concentrate fully on the tightness around his twitching girth. "Do that again," he begs, unable to find coherent words for the pleasure he's given. Within his next deep thrust, he feels Noel's ass constricting around him again, a feeling he's gonna chase from now on for the rest of his life. He's fucked forever. And not just literally. 

He hears himself whining and sobbing, trying to hold the immense pleasure together, as if he's having sex for the first time. Everything in him prickles, tingles and burns, his throat dry from the heavy panting. He knows he's about to lose it anytime, especially when Noel keeps jerking around him like that, milking his dick for the release that's long overdued. 

But he knows he's definitely lost time, when Noel looks him in the eye, emitting the sweetest and softest of all moans and tells him, "You make me feel so good." Well shit. 

He bites down hard on his inner cheeks, focusing on the pillow above Noel's head and starts counting, while trying to hit Noel's prostate dead on. "God, Cam, _yes_!" Noel yelps, his feet digging into the back of Cam's thighs, his body rocking with him to chase the feeling. "Right there, right there, fuck, yes." 

The redhead tries to blend it all out, otherwise the condom would already be filled with his jizz, and just concentrates on Noel's sweet spot and the numbers in his head. 27, 28, 29, 30, 31,...

"What are you doing?" The brunet's quivering voice rips him out of his haze, while he keeps moving on and off of his too sensitive dick. 

"Trying not to come." 

"Jesus," Noel chuckles, stopping his movements for a moment, "you look like you're doing the final examination for Algebra. Stop doing that!" 

Feeling caught red handed, a blush spreads over his face and he laughs, embarrassed at that. "But then I'm going to explode the moment you make the slightest move."

"So explode," Noel shrugs, still gasping for air, "explode for me and explode _with_ me. I wanna watch and feel you." 

Taking a few more deep breaths, Cam nods. He bends down to steal himself a messy kiss full of tongue, before he straightens himself back up into kneeling position. One hand goes for Noel's nipples and starts pinching and twisting them, while the other reaches for his rock hard and leaking dick. Without moving inside his lover, he starts jerking him, hoping to get him to the edge as well. He swipes his thumb across the slick slit and hears Noel sucking in a sharp breath. "Fuck, _Cam_!" he hisses, starting to wiggle slightly beneath him. 

In a moment of distraction, Cameron's gaze wanders down to their meeting point again, and immediately feels the rush of burning desire and need overcoming his whole being again. He whimpers, beaten from his own stupidity to look at Noel's ass while trying to hold it together, but the brunet got him. His hands reach for the younger one's face, whose head is already bent down in resignation, stroking his cheeks and forcing him to look him in the eye. A fire is burning behind the blue irides as well, Noel's mouth gaping open. "Fuck me as hard as you can." 

Knowing that the end has come and wanting to make it just as breathtakingly beautiful for Noel as it is for him, he quickly nods his agreement and starts thrusting deep, hard and fast. While the brunet keeps his face cupped, they both stare at each other wide eyed as Cam rocks them towards their release. 

He isn't able to get enough air inside his lungs anymore, his chest heaving as the pleasure spreads all over his body. The tingling in his belly gets to the next and last level, and he curls his toes and lets the burning need wash over him, sweeping him away in a haze full of Noel. After three good shoves, he shouts Noel's name into the room and cums heavily shaking inside the condom, still thrusting and jerking Noel while the endorphins are rushing through his veins, making him feel like he's on top of the world. The tremor of his body doesn't subside as fast as it usually does when he orgasms, and he's sure the condom is overfilling with the load of his cum, all the while he's riding his high and chasing Noel's sweet spot. 

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," Noel pants, completely wrecked, his face flushed and his eyebrows knitted together in pleasure, while he's still holding his face, "so fucking beautiful." 

Cameron doesn't know if he's still cumming or cumming again from the sight and confession. But Noel isn't done. 

"You've wrecked me, my sun," he stammers more haphazardly, while his ass rides Cam's pulsating dick, "fuck Cam, you've destroyed me. I'm gonna -" 

With one last jab against Noel's breaking point and a loud cry deep from Noel's lungs, he cums all over himself and Cam's hand. He keeps whining and shuddering, trembling beneath him and convulsing around him, bringing Cam to spill his last remaining seed inside the already too filled condom again. 

They both keep riding the high for a few more moments, moaning brokenly and exchanging confessions, until the younger one collapses like an empty bag above him. 

No way on earth he's going to survive that, a second time. It feels like someone took all the energy from his body, but at the same time presented him with a refreshed vitality, he didn't know existed until he entered Noel's hole. 

Noel is stroking his sweaty back through the aftershocks, both still connected in the best possible way. Slowly he lifts his head from the crook of Noel's neck to entangle their tongues lazily again, absorbing each other's breaths as well. 

Cam has never had sex like that before, and he's glad Noel had used and tried toys beforehand. Otherwise this would definitely have gone a bit differently. But the way Noel presented himself during sex, Cam knows he's fucked. Noel is his drug and Cam is addicted. He never wants to get clean again. Ever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the chapters grew longer, I had to reduce the number from 10 to 9. Sorry. But the amount of the story stays the same ;) Enjoy the rest of it!

Since that night, Cam and Noel were practically inseparable during the whole shoot of season 10. They were either in front of the camera together, or in one of their trailers while they waited for the next scene to get shot. And when they weren't on set, they spent the rest of the time in Cam's apartment. Though Layla was away to visit her family, Noel preferred it to be at Cam's. He reassured him a lot of times that things between them were over, but he still found it strange to have sex with Cam in the house he once thought was for his future with Layla. Cam got that. So he didn't comment on it further.

That was until Layla got back from her vacation and suddenly Noel started to sleep at home again most of the time. That definitely didn't sit well with Cameron.

Not only did his body show signs of deprivation, his mind threw him in an endless loop of scenarios, what's going on in Noel's house. It was frustrating and felt like a throwback to prior years when he thought that Noel was forever going to be the one and only hallucination he will ever crave.

It also didn't help when Noel decided to bring her to a show dinner with all of their friends. It felt like a string tightening around his throat with every second he was sitting across from the 'couple', cutting him the air to breathe. It felt so wrong, not being able to be the one to touch this guy or take him home. This night was one of the worst, he still feels sick to his stomach thinking about it.

But even more frustrating was Noel's reaction, whenever he tried to bring it up. Noel either tried to engage him into sex, which unfortunately worked most of the time, or just played it down and insisted that there's nothing going on between them anymore. He kept saying that Layla still means very much to him, that she probably will always have a spot in his heart, and those were things Cam didn't want to hear. He knew it was illogical, but he wanted to own Noel's whole heart and not share the space with anyone else, even though he knew Layla shared fifteen years with his man. That was more than half Cam's life!

The knowledge of that will forever give him the feeling of chasing them; their lives that were so tightly interlocked and massively built that Cameron felt like an intruder standing in front of their house and watching them through a window. How can anyone compete with fifteen years? The time he _really_ had with Noel together, was not even one brick of the walls they've built together. 

So even though Noel kept reassuring him of things, giving him the feeling of being loved just equally when he was with him, the times where he didn't tell a story in the young man's head. Sometimes he got so roped into his own negative thoughts, that he was completely distracted from whatever was going on around him, even from things he was doing at the moment. So it didn't surprise him further, when he broke his leg at a soccer game with friends. He should've stayed focused. But he couldn't. Not when his man was at home with his wife. 

"You in there?" Noel asks while sitting on his lap on the couch of Cam's trailer, stroking his cheeks. 

"Yeah," he breathes, wanting to say so much more, but decides against it. Whenever he brings up Layla, it's a full blast mood killer, and he isn't ready to face another discussion about her yet again. Not after yesterday's night already went to shit because of it. 

"Yeah?" Dark eyebrows lift in confusion, "Cause I've been rutting your lap for a solid five minutes and nothing's happening here." He points at Cam's groin for emphasis. "That's not how you usually respond to my ass on your dick." 

"We still have our clothes on," the redhead points out, his voice weak from all the nightmares his mind is constantly creating. 

"As if that's ever stopped you from going rock hard whenever I just wiggled it in front of you." 

He had a point! 

The brunet scoots back to get up, buckling his belt and adjusting his erection. "Sorry, I can -" Cam waves his hand to Noel's middle, offering some help. 

"You can tell me what's going on in the pretty head of yours, that's what you can." Cam sighs. "This about me and Layla again?" 

Even though he is ashamed, he still nods. 

"God, Cam," Noel puts his hands on his hips, visibly annoyed, "how often do I gotta tell you that it's over with her? There's nothing going on between us anymore."

Feeling a rush of anger, hurt, and frustration overcoming his body again, he shoots up from the sofa, as well. "Then why don't you tell her about us, huh?" 

Noel takes one step towards him, opening his mouth, when there's a knock on the door, "Five minutes, Cameron! Get ready for the scene," Billie screams and knocks on Noel's trailer directly beside Cam's. "Five minutes, Noel! Get ready for the scene." Then they hear footsteps paddle away. 

"Alright, you wanna see for yourself that nothing’s going on between us, anymore? Then come to our Halloween party, tonight," Noel shrugs, taking a step towards him. 

"I told you, I don't wanna see you two together. Can't stand that. Learned my lesson last time." 

The brunet takes another step closer, putting his hands on Cam's hips, "Nothing you'll have to see. That's what I wanna show you," he presses his head on Cam's chest, placing a kiss there. "Last time we were sitting close together on a table, I couldn't get out. But this time a lot of people will be around, I can hold my distance to her, if that's what you want." 

Yes. No. _Fuck_! He doesn't want him to hold his distance for the night just so that Cam's satisfied. But if he's now starting this discussion, it won't end well and would make the job they have to do now even harder. So he forced the corner of his mouth upwards and glanced at his man cheekily, "I want you, to want to do, what you want." 

A grin spreads across Noel's face, shortly before he pecks his lips and pulls him towards the door. 

Cam just hopes he also gets the message of Mickey Milkovich’s brilliant line. 

  
  


He did go. Of course he did. Everywhere Noel is, he wants to be. Besides, he had the perfect outfit waiting for him at home to show Noel. An outfit that only Noel would understand. And now, in regards to the party, it spits the biggest 'Fuck you' to Layla. He doesn't want to be mad at her, god no! She has more right to hate him, than he has. But he can't deal with the jealousy that's always starting to form in the pit of his stomach whenever she's concerned. 

As one of America’s mascots, Colonel Sanders, the face of Kentucky Fried Chicken, he knocks on the door of Noel's and Layla's house with a paper box full of the delicacy itself, his nerves almost eating him alive. He tries to picture Noel's amused face when he recognizes his costume, hoping it will pry the most beautiful smile in the world out of his crush and stay there for the rest of the night for Cam to admire. _Kentucky Fried Chicken_. They always order it on their Netflix and chill nights, which happen to be every night when Noel's over. At least the sex part. But they only order it, when it's a declared Netflix and chill/sex night. 

The music is blasting from the inside, Cam's hearing people belting out the chorus of 'Englishman in New York' by Sting. God, how he feels like an alien himself right now. For the first time, he's happy about the cast around his left foot and shank, that way he can blame it on his jittery bouncing from leg to leg. 

In an instant the door swings open and Cam's heart is torn in two. It wants to sink to the bottom of his guts and never crawl back up, at the sight of Layla as Medusa. It's probably her own 'Fuck you' to Cam, since he truly gets the feeling of metamorphosing into stone, a feature he definitely has in common with men from the Greek mythology. A breathtakingly stunning beauty that got bewitched and transformed into a monster, because of someone's jealousy over a man. Isn't it ironic?! 

But at the same time Cam's heart wants to explode at the sight of Noel as a gladiator in an extremely sexy and slim fitting costume that underlines the strength of his thighs even more. Cam's drooling into his beard, his eyes scanning his man from head to toe. If Layla really had no idea about the crush he has on her husband, she's probably figured it out now, since his eyes seemed glued to this man, Cam's breath stuck in his throat. 

"Hey, Cameron," she greets him with a quick hug, "get in, get in!" 

"Colonel Sanders," Noel nods at him with a smirk, the knowledge about the meaning obviously written on his amused face. 

Still shell shocked, he's pulled inside their house and in a tight embrace from Noel, the smaller one immediately tucking his face in the crook of Cam's neck to smell him, causing a hot shiver to run down his spine. 

When he detaches himself from Noel again, he's taking in his surroundings, finding probably thirty or more people inside their house and in their backyard. Before he's able to say something back to Layla or Noel, the shorter one is already pulling him towards a crowd and away from the men-eating woman. He takes his first relieved breath. 

"EJ, this is Cam," Noel introduces him genuinely, "Cam, EJ, one of my closest friends." If Cam wouldn't be so insecure about him being here tonight, he'd almost say his man sounds proud to show him another Gladiator friend of his. 

"Oh, my pleasure, man. Noel already told me so much about you." 

‘He did?’, he wants to ask, starting an interrogation about what exactly Noel had told him. The brunet had mentioned EJ a few times, but it wasn't like they've talked about him a lot, he hasn’t told Cam too much about him. They always found better ways to spend their time together. But that's why this confession startles Cam in a thrilling way, electrifying his heart with charged pulses. 

EJ is just the start. The whole evening Noel stays close to his side dragging him from one friend to another to introduce him. Just as he told him, he stood at a distance to Layla, which for Cam doesn't necessarily have to mean that there isn't anything between them anymore. The negative part of him convinces him that they're just being busy tonight. The optimistic part tells him to shut the fuck up and trust Noel. 

He stumbles through so many layers of emotions during this night that he already feels completely spent an hour in. When Layla walks around with her phone in hand to snap some photos, Cam tries not to focus on her hands around Noel's waist or his back, whenever he's in reach to get in the photo as well. It would hurt too much. When she stumbles towards them later again, still with her phone in hand, he stays put next to Noel, almost attaching himself to his hip. He lets a quiet, but not less triumphant laugh slip, when a friend of Noel takes up the other space beside him and Layla ends up on Cam's side, alone. As much as his heart throbs painfully to stand in the middle of the married couple for the pic, it is still easier for Cam to accept than them standing side by side.

At least he has to admit that Noel doesn't give her much attention. It truly seems he only has eyes for him, almost undresses him in front of everyone with his lust filled gazes. Cam has to pull every ounce of morality and sanity together to not fuck him in the middle of their backyard, but it gets harder with every passing minute. 

Especially when they start to play Jenga, the tension in the air between them seems almost unbearably thick. They are on opposing teams, the ambition to win this game adding another layer of burning heat to the already overwhelming strain to keep it together. 

Whenever it's Cam's turn, blue eyes fixate him, almost eating him alive. Once he made the mistake of staring at Noel during his move and found his tongue slipping out and teasing his own bottom lip. Useless to say his team almost lost the game since Cam's fingers were shaking, the need to pull Noel to his chest and wreck his bottom lip washing over him like a tidal wave. It was sheer luck that the tiles from the tower didn't fall. Since then, he doesn't look. At least not when _he's_ the one playing. He keeps the desire at bay, until it's Noel's turn. Then he tries to ruin him with his eyes as much as the other one does. 

Noel staggers as well, his tongue darting nervously out of the corner of his mouth as he tries to concentrate on the game and not the redhead. Cam steps behind him, admiring the sight that's bending in front of him, enjoying that it's his turn to watch. He knows that the brunet feels his close presence on his back, he probably feels Cam's eyes burning through the black jersey into his ass. That's why he tips nervously from foot to foot, his ass wiggling in process. The visual draws a soft moan out of Cam's throat and a moment later the tiles fall down, Noel's team loses the game. 

Noel turns around, lifting his eyebrows in challenge, which Cam only returns with an innocent shrug. A lot of laughter and shoulder patting fills the air, before Cam is dragged away from the crowd in the backyard, through the big living room and into a locked and dark room at the end of the hall. When the older one reaches for the switch to turn the light on, Cam spots bigger and smaller boxes scattered on the floor all over the room. Confusion must be written on his face, since Noel is quick to explain the situation, "I never unpacked them." 

This triggers even more question marks in Cam's head, which Noel tries to solve again, "When we moved in, things were already complicated. Too much was going on in my mind and I didn't see the need to unpack them, only to pack them again a bit later." 

"What was going on in your mind?" 

Noel steps closer to him, locking the door behind Cam's back and staring up at him with big blue eyes, "What do you think?" 

No further explanation is needed, since Cam knows exactly when Noel moved in and what was going on between them back on that day. Cam remembers his heartbreak in detail when he got the news, but doesn't want to let his mind go there right now. All he wants is to devour the man that's standing right in front of him, peering into his eyes like he's waiting for Cam to make a move. And so he does. 

His hands reach for the back of Noel's head, pulling him upwards to connect their lips. It is needy and filled with all the repressed passion from tonight. "You're bad, Cam. Moaning ever so softly when I was about to make a move. You made my team lose." 

Cam kisses the pout off his lover's face, his hands wandering under the skirt of Noel's costume to find him hard inside his boxers, a damp spot on his front. He squeezes him softly, drawing a little groan out of him. "No, _you_ made your team lose. You knew exactly what showing your ass would do to me." 

Another chuckle echoes off the walls before they were back on each other, almost eating their faces. Noel shoves Cam's fake white beard down to get deeper down his throat, sucking on Cam's tongue ever so slightly. 

In an act of despair the redhead tries to shove as much fabric from their costumes out of the way to rub harder against him, while his other hand kneads the perfect flesh of his ass. He can feel Noel tensing in reciprocation, rutting with more fierceness to the edge, while his mouth is all consuming Cam's neck and face. Within seconds they are out of breath, desperate to feel the other one and chase the release of their sexual tension. 

Cam can already feel his ejaculation on his tongue, he's far too close to lose it. Still, it's not exactly what he wants and what his body craves and since they can't have sex in here in the middle of all these significant boxes, he flips Noel over, and bends him towards the next wall. Within seconds Noel's skirt and underwear is pushed to his knees and Cam has his rock hard dick in his hand.

"Cam," Noel sighs desperately when the younger man spreads his cheeks and spits down on his rim, "Fuck!" 

He guides his cock to his crack, watching himself rubbing against it and feeling the pleasure forming in his guts. The whole evening was foreplay enough, he doesn't need much more stimulation to fall right over the edge.

"I'm close," he spits out, his hands grabbing Noel on his hips and pushing him quickly back and forth, his dick sliding smoothly between the most heavenly ass cheeks on earth, "Jerk yourself and cum with me, baby." 

The word is out before Cameron even has the chance to think about it in his haze of lust, hoping that Noel wouldn't give him shit for it.

But he doesn't, on the contrary. It provokes the most desperate and wrecked moan out of Noel that Cam has ever witnessed, and he has to hold his semen back from shooting right out of him and marking Noel where Cam wants to claim him. 

God, he craves to cum on this hole so badly. Watching it constrict while the warm fluid is dripping down his crack and Noel himself spasms through his orgasm in Cam's strong hold. Then he'd shove three fingers inside him, feeling him slowly relaxing around him, while still keeping him grounded. 

"Cam, shit-" Noel sighs, his fingers curling into the wall and not his own leaking dick, "we can't. Not here." 

"What?" It's like a punch to his guts, his hips stop working immediately, "Why?" 

"We need to get back to the party," Noel whines, shifting his hips so that Cam's dick slides out of his crack and turning around, "I didn't think this would escalate so quickly." 

He didn't think so? Well Cam knew exactly where this was headed the moment Noel dragged him in here. Why couldn't they at least finish before getting back? Would Noel feel too dirty, knowing he had Cam's jizz on his hole a moment ago, before drowning in the crowd again? Cam for sure wouldn't mind having the taste of Noel on his hands the whole night. It has to have something to do with this place. With Layla, probably. 

Noel is already in full costume again when Cam returns from inside his head, the smaller one patting his shoulder reassuringly, "Come on, Colonel Sanders, let's go." He takes a step towards the door. 

"Do we have to?" A question formed from just a few words. But it's his way of saying, 'Stay.' 

He wants to scream at him: ‘Stay with me and let your hand travel where it wishes. Rip my costume off and take me right here. I promise I won't make any noises. I won't tell a soul what we did. I'm hard and you know it. And if you don't, I take your hand and slip it into my pants so that you know what I need. What we _both_ need. Let me put as many fingers as you want inside of you and feel you. I need you. Need you so bad. I need to know that everything is fine, that I still have you and always will. You belong to me. Not her. You're mine _. Please be mine._ ' 

But of course he doesn't say that. He's once again locked in his head with all his worries and fears, unable to form a coherent word that would help Noel understand. Instead he says, "Why so many photos?" 

"Huh?" 

"Layla. Why is she taking so many photos with you? Probably posting it all over social media tomorrow. Photos from the _happy_ couple," he spits the last part. 

"Why does it matter?" Noel turns around, his face scrunched up in confusion. 

"It matters to me." 

The brunet lets a sigh escape his lips, halting in front of Cam again to gaze at him from below his lashes, "Because people already talk. Layla and me are going to events together, posting couple pics, and there are still rumors out there about _us_ being a couple," he gesticulates between them, "So imagine what would happen if we all of a sudden stop posting fake couple pics?!" 

It feels like Noel cracks his chest open, rips his heart out, smashes it to the floor and stomps over it a million times. "Would it be so bad?" It seems this question knocks the air out of Noel's lungs, since he just stares at him perplexed and Cam clarifies his statement further, "People thinking we're together?" 

"No! I mean... Yes, maybe. I don't know," the brunet stammers, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "what do you think?" 

He thinks that his whole world is collapsing at the moment and he's probably not able to make it out alive. His gaze lowers slowly to the floor, his eyes filling with tears as he bites down on his lip and shrugs defeat, "I won't and can't hide forever."

"Me neither," Noel's voice sounds soothing inside the walls, he's definitely trying to rescue the situation, "and it's not like I don't understand you. Because I do." 

Cam can't hold back the cynical laughter that's erupting from deep inside him, as he steps sidewards to flee from the narrowness that Noel is creating. He can't stand right now that he's so close, he needs some space to breathe. 

As soon as he takes the step, Noel's hand wraps around his elbow, holding him back. "As for me, we can tell it to some friends and our family. I already told EJ about us." When Cam is still avoiding his gaze, Noel emphasizes it once again, "I really did."

It has Cam peering right into the blue eyes, at least. "But?" 

The brunet follows his step, trying to keep their gazes locked, "But we can't make it official now."

"Because of Layla?" 

Frustration is written all over the older man's face, as he sighs desperately. "Yeah, because of her and because of our jobs, Cam!" 

"You keep telling me that it's over between the two of you, but at the same time you're afraid to tell her that we're a couple?" he's getting more aggravated with every moment, his chest already heaving. He's afraid to let the implied question slip, but he can't hold back any longer, " _if_ we even are one." 

"Of course we are," Noel is quick on the trigger, cupping his cheeks with his soft palms. Cam's eyes bore into the baby blue's, the next question sitting on the top of his tongue. "Don't," Noel pleads, probably already knowing what's coming next. 

"A couple that hides?" 

The brunet takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously not knowing how to respond. 

"Why can't you tell Layla? I don't get it. Why?" In the meantime Cam's voice got more like a whisper, the thickness still sounding through the pained tone, though. 

Noel's hands are flying through the air, as if he's trying to get a grip on the right answer. "I don't know, I mean-, " he's looking completely lost from left to right, neither fixating on Cam, nor any other point in the room full of unopened boxes, "It wouldn't feel right, you know, if we break up officially and we declare that we're a couple, or maybe move in together, or whatever," he finally points out, still avoiding Cam's hurt look, "I would feel better, if I'd know she has someone, too. That she moved on as well, and wouldn't be alone for a while."

It feels like his head is fuming, trying so desperately to get what Noel is saying. But he doesn't. Not really. 

He gets the job part. Of course, he can relate. He himself thought about it a lot in the past few months. Will they still get the same jobs, as they're offered now? Or would that change, if they are known for being homosexuals? Would they even get jobs? Most gay people in the film business are under the strictest contract to never say a word about it, or be seen with same gender partners, while being on a specific job. 

Cam worries about that just the same as Noel. But he can't wrap his head around the Layla thing, though. "You feel guilty, right?" he asks, while the brunet nibbles nervously on his lower lip, "Feel bad because we have that thing going on for years," Cam can see tears welling up behind blue eyes, notices him swallowing hard to fight the lump in his throat. And that's when it hits him. "You're ashamed of being with me. You regret it." 

" _What_? NO!" Finally Noel's eyes dart back up and lock with his sad gaze, "I never said that!" 

"You didn't have to. You hope she cheated on you too so you wouldn't feel so bad." 

"So what? Would that be so terrible?" Noel is following the steps Cam takes to get away from him, "It has nothing to do with you!" he nearly screams. 

Cam is glad that there's a party going on behind the still locked door, and that the music blasting in the background is drowning his needy cries, "It has everything to do with me!" he barks, his nostrils flaring at the rage that's building inside him, "You talk about letting friends and relatives in and have been telling me for over a year that Layla and you broke up and you're living in a pseudo relationship with her, but that she's still your closest friend. And yet, you haven't opened up to this closest friend for years! Instead you keep hoping that she has someone too so that you can finally confess your biggest mistake to her," Cam is stomping enraged up and down in front of Noel, panting heavily. The bitter smack of his next words is already making him choke, as he stops pacing directly in Noel's face, "And that's me. _I'm_ the black spot in your otherwise perfect life."

"Cam, what? No!" Noel insists, reaching out for him to pull him closer by his arms. 

But the redhead shakes him off, "I'm starting to doubt this whole thing," he gesticulates between them, his heart breaking as he stares into Noel's glossy eyes, "nothing ever changes. You don't even want it to change."

"I do! But-" 

"You're probably not as committed as I am." 

"I am!" 

"Bullshit," Cam's flat hand stabs him in the chest, causing Noel to stumble two steps backwards, "You're not even trying to promise me a better future. You're fine with the way things are. Living a perfect life with your wife and having me as a mistress."

"Cam, I -" 

"No, I'm not doing this anymore if there's nothing coming from you." 

Since his heart is already shattered to a million pieces, he can't allow this conversation to go any further. He doesn't want to take the walk of shame through Noel's house with a more tear stained face than it already is.

He doesn't want to hear what Noel has to say. At least not now. He wants him to feel as angry and hurt as he is. Maybe this would finally trigger him to give him something. _Anything_ to make this work long-term. He never even promised Cam that someday they will be out and proud. 

The redhead probably wouldn't even need more. Just a string of hope, a possible vision of their future. He doesn't need the big coming out from Noel. Hell, he isn't even sure he's ready to face the public and the film business as an openly gay man. But he doesn't want to be his secret mistress either. 

Without letting Noel have time to explain himself or make a gesture that Cam's craving, he unlocks the door and hobbles through the corridor to the entrance. 

His heart is throbbing painfully in his chest, but his mind is determined. Still hearing Noel calling after him, he walks straight to the door and out of the house that seems to mock him and the life he longs to have with the man he loves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh...Sorry?!


	8. Chapter 8

How they would sit opposite each other, holding hands and smiling fondly at one another on the set of the Alibi Room, while a soloist is playing 'Living on a prayer' on the guitar, Cam has no idea. He doesn't even know how to get out of bed today. He feels like shit. Completely shattered and destroyed and not in a shitty 'party' way. 

The drive from Noel's house to his home took all the strength he could gather to not throw up and break down in the backseat of a middle-aged, Persian looking driver’s car. Brown eyes already observed him through the rear mirror with every sob he couldn't hold back. He didn't even wait for the man to tell him thank you. He just pushed the door open and escaped the car that seemed to constrict around him every mile they drove further away from Noel. 

The moment he was out, he emptied his stomach to the curb and kept dry heaving for a solid five minutes. He was a mess. Thirty minutes without the smaller man and his life seemed fated to take a down turn from now on. How would he survive this state of despair for the rest of his life? 

He doesn't know how he made it through the night. A few beers and cigarettes helped him to stay just slightly on the surface of the thin line that bordered depression. He tossed himself back and forth on the mattress, the overwhelming itch of his body that was caused by respiratory problems, didn't give him a moment of ease. Only when he drowned himself in the smell of Noel from a t-shirt that was used for sleepovers at Cam's, did he find his way back to an accurate breathing rhythm that let him drift away for at least three hours. That was when he noticed the constant chirping of his phone that he left on the kitchen counter after returning to his home and heading straight to the fridge a few hours before. 

Like an old man he pushes his legs out of bed, all of the muscles he built in the last few months doing a shit job of helping him. The clock on his nightstand tells him that he slept until 8:06am, the presence of the lube to its left piercing like an arrow through his heart. He takes the bottle and throws it into the drawer, before getting out and stumbling over to his phone. 

Unsure of what to do, shaky hands reached for the device after he bemoaned his fate for a moment of long-stretched silence.

27 missed calls and 14 messages. All from Noel. 

Noel (1:12am): come back please

Noel (1:13am): please pick up ur phone 

Noel (1:13am): I'm so sorry

Noel (1:15am): let me explain. Please get on ur phone. 

Noel (1:20am): I don't wanna talk through texts, just pick up. Please. 

Noel (1:34am): u really don't wanna talk 2 me, huh? Looks like I fucked up for real this time. 

_Smart man_. 

Noel (1:40am): I'm sorry you're hurt, but u know it's not like that. U know how much I care about u. 

Noel (1:41am): about us. 

Noel (2:07am): if u don't already know, I want this. I want you and I want a relationship. I told u a hundred times. Pls pck up baby.

 _Baby_. He never called him like that. Cam let it slip yesterday when they made out, shortly before his whole world broke apart. Seems like Noel started binge drinking, too, after Cam left. Maybe it's the loose lips that made him type the pet name. But whatever it is, he can't deny that it gives him a fluttery feeling, imagining Noel whispering this into his ear. 

Noel (2:41am): ok I got it. U really don't wanna talk t2 me anymore tnight. BUt let's talk tmrw ok? Pls let me explain. Don't break up with me.

Noel (3:05am): fuck I miss u

Noel (3:11am): good night Cam, xo

Noel (7:16am): meet me before shooting today, 1:30pm my trailer. Need to talk 2 u, xo

Noel (7:52am): will u come? 

Even though he's still hurt and frustrated about the situation, the thread of messages helps to soothe his wounded soul, at least a bit. Noel is hurt, too. He doesn't wanna lose him, that one is obvious. The question is, is he ready to at least give him the view of a better future, of a next step? 

Cam definitely wants to find out. 

Cam (8:12am): k

One letter. He doesn't give him more. Not yet, he's still too hurt after last night's conversation. Though he's curious what Noel is going to say, three hours before their shoot starts. Take one hour for preparation, wardrobe and make up and they'd have still two hours left to talk. 

After reading all those texts, he's promising enough to think that Noel doesn't want to lose him, even though that doesn't mean that he's going to give him an option. Maybe he'll try his old way of dealing with this situation, using his god damn sexy ass as distraction. 

But this time the redhead will stay strong. He will always stay an arms length away from the brunet and will look away as soon as Noel turns around. To always have to look in his eyes is challenge enough, to resist the temptation of forgiving Noel and let him get away with everything. He could literally steal his heart and soul out of his body and Cam would be okay with it. Wait - didn't that already happen?! 

With a low grumble, he puts the phone back down and questions himself of whether getting some coffee inside his weak system and starting the day, or crawling back to bed to get a bit more rest before he's going to face the inevitable conversation about their future. _If_ there's a possible future for them.

 _Fuck it_ , he thinks. He knows the uncertainty of possible outcomes of the approaching conversation is not going to let him get some sleep anyway, so he can also make use of the negative energy that's coming along with him since last night and use his body as a physical outlet. 

After he took his usual dose of caffeine and jumped into the shower, he throws his work out clothes into his black Adidas bag. He puts on some casual jeans, his boot on over them, and the black Khaotic Collective hoodie he got from Ethan and pulls his grey cap as far down his face as possible. He doesn't want his red rimmed eyes to be spotted from the wrong people, namely the paparazzi on the street and finds his tear stained face two hours later on the world wide web for everyone to see. Bad enough Noel has to see his pained mug, no need to do this to anyone else. 

He gets in his car and drives to the fitness loft of the Warner Bros Studios. Not his usual first choice, but he has to be there in a few hours anyway, so it will do. 

Arriving there almost an hour later, thanks to the heavy morning traffic, he starts with the sand sack as best as his injured leg lets him and takes all the collected frustration out on it. Thinking about nothing and everything, he plugs in his earphones and pumps the volume up. He wants to drown in music, sweat and exhaustion for the next two hours to not get pulled in the endless loop of worries inside his head, so he pushes his body to the limit. At least as far as he's able to with his damn broken leg that will always remind him of the distraction that is Noel. He hits another punch. 

Exactly 120 minutes later he feels like a puddle of his own bodily fluids, heads to the shower and lets cold water run down on him. It gives him the adrenalin kick he needs to feel brave and ready for what is about to come next. Not letting his nerves eat him alive, he digs his fingers into the half moon tattoo, closes his eyes and focuses on the color blue. Ironically it's the only thing that's able to calm him down. 

  
  


Nibbling nervously on his bottom lip, Cam pauses in front of Noel's trailer that's next to his own. His eyes flicker nervously from Noel's name badge to where his is scribbled down, thinking for a moment to escape the conversation and flee into his own four walls. Probably wouldn't be the best place to hide, five steps away from the man whose decisions he fears. 

Taking one deep breath, he knocks on the door and almost stumbles back down the metallic stairs at the rushed swing when Noel opens the door. 

It shouldn't do things to him, the way Noel's red-rimmed and tired eyes soften at the sight of him, but it does. It evokes the fluttery sensation in his guts and wobbling feeling in his knees, that Cam got so used to over the past few years. 

"Hey," Noel's voice sounds defeated, a sigh escaping within this word. 

"Hey," Cam tries to say as casually as possible, trying not to share his nervousness. 

As Noel steps aside, Cam goes in, walking up to the middle of the aisle and stopping there. He pushes his hands deep down his pockets and turns around to face the brunet. 

After a long stretched silence where neither of them speaks, just stares, Noel starts hesitantly, "Uhm, thanks for coming." His hands reach out, but the redhead sees him struggling of where to put them, so he just lets them flop back down to his sides, "I didn't know-" 

"Told you I would," he tries to sound annoyed, but he probably only sounds sad. 

"Yeah." 

"So?" Cam raises an eyebrow at him, his hands balled to fists inside his pockets to not reach out and pull Noel closer, or twist his fingers inside his darkened hair. 

"I told Layla."

It was out so quick, Cam doesn't know if he's heard him right. 

"I told her the moment the last guest was out of our house." 

Apparently he did. 

"And?" He's shooting a question right back at him, not giving his brain time to overthink the information before it's confirmed as good news. 

The brunet thumbs at his bottom lip, a habit Cam all too well notices as a nervous tick by now. He hopes this isn't bad news. "She laughed at me and asked me if I'm serious." 

" _What?_ " Anger is bubbling up inside his stomach, trying to pull him into a state of shock. 

"Asked if I have some actual news to share." 

"What?" This time it's a less sharp one. His mind is already starting to put the pieces to one puzzle, but there is still so much information missing. 

Noel sighs, stepping closer to the redhead. "She knew," he says, one finger hesitantly swiping along Cam's side to see if he's allowed to grab him fully. "She knew all these years." His palm is now resting on Cam's hip, the touch sending tingling sensations through him, even though there are still so many layers of fabric in between, "Even figured it was one of the reasons our relationship failed." Noel gulped hard as he's living through the memory of the conversation last night, "She wasn't mad. She said that it just wasn't her right to confront me about it. So she waited patiently for me to open up. Which I did," those ocean blue eyes find Cam's emerald green ones, baring his soul for the younger man to take and begging him to trust and love him again, "the moment you scared me with a breakup." Noel closes the distance between them, his hands reaching up to cup Cam's face, his thumb stroking some of the wetness, Cam didn't know was there, away. "Please don't ever do that again. Don't leave me,” he begs, his eyes so serious, ”I love you."

"You love me?" His mind is still processing those three words, while his heart is hammering heavily in his chest. He's pretty sure Noel can feel it pounding against his body, but he isn't ashamed of its speed-up. Noel loves him. And this declaration is more than Cam ever hoped to get. 

But before Noel answers and Cam's able to finally embrace him with all his limbs, the brunet takes a step back, pulls a small black box out of the inside pocket of his jacket and opens it for him. A plain silver ring appears. 

"I love you, Cameron Monaghan, more than anything. And if you'd let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life -" 

"Jesus Christ, what is this?" His heart is hammering so fast right now, it feels like it's ready to explode. This is all going far too quick for him, his mind spiraling. Yesterday he thought he'd lost him, today he wished for just a tiny bit of hope for them to go on still in secret. And now what? Noel's...proposing? Looks like the guy loves to procrastinate, but if you kick his sexy ass, he's jumping ten feet further than where you are standing.

"A promise," Noel offers, taking the ring out and putting the box away. 

And finally it clicks in Cam's head. "A fucking promise ring?" he smirks, enjoying the role play far too much already, and crossing his arms in front of his chest, "not very inventive, Fisher. You just had to learn our scripts for this special appearance." 

" _And_ buy a ring," the smaller man adds, obviously relaxing at Cam's teasing. "Besides, I had what? 12 hours to come up and go through with a plan to win back your ass." 

"You thought you're being clever, huh?" A red eyebrow is raised in challenge, "Going all Milkovich on me, knowing all too well Mickey's my soft spot." 

Noel shrugs, not even attempting to cover the truth, "Yeah. Is it working?" 

Cam waits a few silent moments to just pretend that the other one hadn't already had him with his soft and beat expression when he opened the door. Well, he probably lasted mere seconds. "Fuck, yeah," his smile spreads on his freckled face, grabbing Noel's hips and pulling him close to devour him with a kiss. 

Needy and desperate, their tongues mingling on their own. Puffs and pants are absorbed from each other, inhaled as if it's the air they need to breathe. It feels like they were separated for 12 years, when it wasn’t even 12 hours. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that Noel is here and did it right this time. He heard his desperate pleas and gave him more than just a possible vision of their future. He gave him a ring and a promise. A promise he'll hold onto dear life. 

"Told Layla I'd swap my wedding ring with a new one," Noel stops the kiss and rests his forehead against Cam's, their noses touching, "she was okay with it. Told me to, I quote, 'Go get your man', which surprised me."

Cam can't do more than nod at his own bewilderment, before he feels Noel taking his hand in his own. Both stare down at their linked hands, watching in awe as Noel slips the ring on Cam's finger on his right hand. "Cam, I know it's not declaring our love publicly, but it's the first step to it. I promise, if we figure things out with our agencies and are promised to still get the same job offers as we'd got before, and if we've told our family and friends, then we'll stop hiding. Believe me, I'm so eager to tell the world that you're taken and mine, but until then, would you just take my promise for this future?"

"Yeah," he breathes, fighting back the tears that are ready to spill, "of course I would. I love you." He nudges Noel's nose with his own and goes in for a kiss again. It's getting heavy and he gets light headed pretty quick, so with all the strength he can gather, Cam stops their mouths from intensifying their play even further. 

He checks his watch around his wrist, his face lighting up, as his eyes scan over the new silver band on his finger. "It's not even 2pm," he states, his gaze traveling back up to lock with Noel, "we have more than an hour till we have to show up at makeup."

With a wiggle of his eyebrows, Noel pushes Cam's pants and boxers down, leaving him butt naked from his waist down. 

"Wait, did you-" the redhead puts two and two together, "did you calculate sex time into the schedule?" 

With the proudest smile Cam has ever seen on him, Noel just clicks his tongue and shrugs, "Well, I'm a genius." His fingers wrap around Cam's swelling length and he starts pumping him slowly. 

"You are," the younger one confirms with a pleased smile, before his head rolls back into his neck, "my needy genius." 

He feels Noel disappearing onto his knees in front of him, threading his fingers into dark hair, when a wet tongue starts lapping on his slit. His head crashes back forwards, his eyes opening up to watch the new jewelry on his finger guiding the head back and forth on his dick. What an amazing view. Cam knows he's never gonna take this ring off, not without a good fucking reason. "Mhmm...feels good," he breathes when Noel begins to loosen his throat and take him all in. A few licks and sucks over the sensitive tip and Cam already feels breathless, pulling Noel's mouth off of him, "Get up." 

Their lips collide again and both stumble backwards until Cam's legs hit the couch. He plops down and takes Noel with him, the smaller man straddling his hips immediately and starting to rock for friction. The good feeling obviously not washing over Cam alone, as his hips circle harder and faster with every minute. "Cam," he pants, "want you inside me." 

All ten fingers of Cam instantly find their way into the back of Noel's pants, digging into the flesh of his ass, before his hands push the fabric off. The brunet gets up, tripping over the knot around his knees and pushing the clothes fully off of him. Before he settles back in Cam's lap, he grabs the lube and presses it into the younger man's hand, who knows exactly what to do with it.

Noel keeps observing the process of opening the tube and pouring the moisture onto his fingers as if it's the most enduring procedure he's ever seen. Cam notices him struggling with his patience, his hips starting to rock again, while waiting to feel the redhead's slick fingers slide into his ass. 

When Cam is finally ready to start, the brunet leans forward and onto his shoulders, to give him better access. “Ahhh,” he groans, dropping his forehead to Cam's, because the younger man had gone straight for two. 

While working him open, Cam's lips are soaking up every one of Noel’s moans, his other hand is clasping the side of Noel’s head, buried in his hair, while his hips are rolling against Noel's hard dick. He's everywhere, all consuming. The best drug in the world. 

The third digit isn't even knuckles deep, when Noel guides his fingers out, mumbling out of breath and so damn needy that he's ready for him. And Cam honestly doesn't know if besides the love declaration there's anything else that sounds as good as 'I want you', 'I need you' and 'I'm ready for you'. It provokes a distinct flutter in his gut every time Noel mutters something like that in their act of love. 

They quickly get rid of their jackets and shirts, before Noel braces one of his hands on Cam’s half-moon tattoo on his bicep, stroking it softly. He's licking his lips when he looks down at the younger man's face, smiling slightly and his eyes widen as his other hand finds the leaking dick that's begging to slide into him. He's fucking glad they both got tested the other week and are finally able to fuck around without one layer of latex separating them. It, however, makes sex much harder for Cam. He's constantly on the edge of cumming and trying desperately to hold out for Noel as long as possible. Still, having the real tight ring of muscle constructing around him is not something he ever wants to miss again. It's the best feeling in the fucking world. 

Reaching behind himself, Noel sits back and inches himself closer to Cam’s dick as he holds it up and blindly puts it to his hole, both of their breaths fucking hitching when he feels the head of it nudging inside with every slight movement of the man he loves. "Oh shit," the redhead curses with every inch that's engulfing him more, until the smaller one is completely seated, grabbing on to Cam’s knees that he's bending on the edge of the couch to give him the leverage he needs. "I'm not gonna last, and you haven't even started," he admits embarrassed, but completely honest with the man that starts arching his back to pull himself up and sink back down on him. "Jesus!" he pants anticipating the next hit. Needing it so fucking bad. The moments between feeling like an eternity.

Baby blue eyes shine proudly with the genuine smile he's giving Cam. Then his eyes squeeze shut and the younger one not only has to hold it together because Noel is so damn tight around him, but also has the most wonderful expression on his face while riding his dick for his own pleasure. He looks completely lost in his own movements and the way Cam's head jabs him deep inside.

”Fuck, baby,” he hears Noel gasp and an electrified shudder shoots through him at the word ' _baby_ '. He clenches his jaw to not cum right then and there, but can’t help himself from thrusting his hips deeper and feeling his jaw hang open from the sensation around his dick. His hands immediately find their way to the asscheeks and start spreading the hole more, Noel cracking his eyes open and glancing down at him. As much as the brunet enjoys taking control over both of their bodies, Cam has learned how much he also needs it to let go and take it hard, deep and fast. It's the way his orgasm hits him most intense. 

Cam's eyes are stuck on Noel, intently following his every move down on his upwards thrusting hips. ”Not gonna last either," he pants, throwing his head back with a groan when Cam hits the spot that's fulfilling him the most. He keeps his hips up, staying there for Noel to gyrate down on him and circle his hips. 

He tries to hold still, tries it so Noel can give himself what he wants and needs. But the brunet makes it so damn hard when he's staring at him with parted lips and flushed cheeks, his pupils dilated with lust, his hips already faltering in rhythm. He knows Noel is close, knows he needs the release as much as Cam does. They are both at the edge of losing it, but Noel seems to slow things down on purpose, intensifying every circle his hips take. 

When they're both breathless and ready for the final arc to give them the pleasure they need, Noel stops moving and locks his gaze in a lust filled haze, "Pound me, baby!" 

He’s still staring at Cam when he grabs his hips and holds him up, thrusting up as fast and rough as he can, stabbing into Noel until they’re both gasping for breath and Cam’s filling him up. 

His hips are stuttering while he tries to keep up with his movements, wanting to give it to Noel as long as possible. The way the other man cries and whimpers his name while he spills on Cam's lower abs makes him believe that it's an orgasm that at least helps him get through the day completely satisfied. 

When both of their spasms ebb away, Noel collapses forwards, his sweaty cheek snuggling into Cam's damp chest. The redhead's hands lift Noel's ass up a bit so his slowly softening dick can slide out. Since it evokes a protesting whine out of his man, he immediately plugs the emptiness with two of his fingers, feeling Noel's soft and leaking features constricting once more around him. "Mhmm...like it that I'm in there, even though I'm not in there," he purrs, stroking Noel's back with his other hand. 

Noel chuckles, grabbing Cam's hand from his back to his front. "Mhmmm... And I like that I'm always with you, even though I'm not always with you," he retorts, tracing the silver metal around Cam's ring finger with one of his own. 

"Yeah," the younger one breathes into dark hair, placing a soft kiss there, "I like that, too." 

After a few silent moments, where they're stroking themselves to calm down, Noel quietly speaks up again, "What're you thinking?" 

"That we should write poetry," Cam shrugs, happy when it gets him another laugh out of Noel, "I definitely wanna write an ode about your ass." 

"Oh, shut up," Noel laughs, guiding Cam's fingers out of him and straightening his back. 

"What are _you_ thinking?" 

"That I probably should take this ring back. I created a monster," he teases him, trying to get up to clean himself and get dressed to head to set. 

But Cam's limbs wrap around him, pulling him back down and starting to tickle him. "Never," he pants, both of their laughter filling the air, "I'll never take it off! Ever!" 

Despite his own declaration, Cam had to put the ring down for one night. Specifically, for one Late night with Lilly. And Noel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next - the interview. Whew, can't believe we're already nearing the finish line.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time flew by so fast! Can't believe it's already the last chapter. Thank you for accompany me through their journey. Enjoy the last part!

Since the day Cameron got that ring and put it on his finger, he almost never takes it off, the only exception is his workouts. Apart from that, he wears it constantly for the whole wide world to see. He doesn't even lay it aside to wash his hands or go to bed. He needs the constant reminder of Noel's promise like the air to breathe. 

Later that day when he got the ring, Noel and him shot the 'Living on a prayer scene' on the Alibi Room set. They had to wear rings as well, since in this episode they were already engaged. Cameron remembers the picture they took with Shanola going viral - it was the first official sign of Ian and Mickey's wedding. 

Silvertree, one of the episode directors of Shameless, posted the pic without cropping his finger and within moments the rumor of their wedding spread. Or more precisely, the rumor was confirmed. 

The ring Noel gave him got almost the same attention as soon as it was spotted for the world to see. Cam wore it to the Star Wars interview that went online on the 15th of November. Since then rumors about the meaning of this ring have circulated. Between some believing that Cameron got engaged to a woman he wants to keep secret, or that this ring is the same ring he wore on Shameless and kept it as a souvenir, there are also some that say that it's a ring that reminds him of Noel. 

Cameron never negated or affirmed one of those theories, the truth is only for Noel and him. And every time he looks at the ring or thinks about the promise, he gets a warm, fluttery feeling in his chest. 

He was lucky that none of the interviewers asked about the ring, yet. Even though he kept holding onto it for dear life while talking to them. It grounded him and always reminded him of what really matters in life. Noel. 

He even started to enjoy it, having Noel as his own while no one knows it. It makes their relationship even more intimate and private, which can be a big bonus in their public life. And since he knows it's now for good, he holds onto it for even more. 

That's why they both agreed to not give Lilly a chance to ask and have Cameron leave the ring at home for that night. Or more precisely, hang it around his neck and wear a high collared shirt that hides it perfectly. The rumors about them being a couple are already far too present and in the spotlight, even though Noel and Layla keep posting couple pics for the sake of all them. They didn't want to pour more fuel onto the flaring flame by giving an interview and having to talk about their chemistry while wearing the same kind of rings. Just that Noel wears his on the left hand, so that no one wonders why he suddenly swapped hands for his wedding ring.

"I'm nervous," Noel states, as he wanders up and down in front of Cam, but behind the curtains, where they both should walk through soon. 

Cam wants so desperately to reach out and soothe him with his touches, but he can't. Not here. "Everything will be fine, it's just an interview." 

"Yeah, for you maybe. You've doing this since you're, what? Seven? Eight?" he tries to smile at him as best as he can, "I have a feeling she's going to ask about us, today." 

The redhead takes a step closer, able to stroke Noel's thigh just slightly with his pinky finger that hangs down on his sides. "Then we tell her that we're not together." 

"I can't lie that bluntly."

"i know you can't," Cam's huge grin splatters across his face, "that's so endearing." God, how much he wants to bend down and kiss the worry off his full lips, before his teeth nibble the bottom one completely away. "Then we won't lie bluntly," he adds when he sees that the complement bounces off of him at the moment, "We answer her question with another question. Joke around, confuse her. You know how it's done when you try to cover something up in the showbiz."

The dark blonde man nods, not appearing much calmer, but at least he stops pacing. 

"Hey, everything will be fine," he once again emphasizes, holding the gaze and trying to soothe him through his look, "and if she's really going to out us, then we'll make the best out of it. We're in it together," he says, tapping himself on the chest right above his heart, where the ring is hanging, "remember?" 

That seems to help, because instantly Noel starts tracing his own ring and his breath evens out. Before they're able to exchange more reassuring words, Lilly's voice sounds through the back, calling them up on stage, "Please welcome Cameron Monaghan and Noel Fisher." 

One last reassuring nod to his man and Cam walks out, waving to the crowd, Noel right behind him. They hug her quickly, before sitting down on the beige couch and waiting for the interview to begin. 

Lilly starts with a compliment about how happy she is that they're here, she's even a bit star struck and Cam comments with a joke, that they're going to ruin it all. 

He feels his man shifting slightly nervous beside him, the need to comfort Noel washing over him. But he isn't able to when all the cameras are on, so he does the only thing he's able to do - he takes over most of the talking, joking around, trying to act cool and casual. With every passing minute, Noel gets more confident and participates in the conversation about their childhood looks or how they would act and react if they were in prison in real life. 

It all went totally smooth and fine. They were 9 minutes in, only a few more to go, when a question came up that took them both by surprise:

"So you are obviously a fan favorite couple. I mean everyone talks about you guys online. Do people stop you in the streets to talk about your two characters?" 

It is an ambivalent question that can lead to further investigation. That's not what Noel wants or needs. Cam tries to be quick on the trigger, tries to answer it first, so that Noel isn't pulled into a predicament. 

"They, they," he looks to Noel to check if he's okay with it. The brunet nods in encouragement and Cam gives his answer, "Ya" 

"Ya," Noel adds. 

"Ya," Cam confirms once again, knowing all too well what the following question will be. 

"What do they say? What's the reaction?" He knows he has to answer carefully, has to pick his words and let it look as if he's completely honest with the world. He can't avoid the rumors that spread like a wildfire completely. On the contrary - he has to be the first to talk about it. Otherwise Lilly can use it to her benefit and drive them in a corner. 

"They uuuh, they think that we're still -" oh shit, wrong slip. He notices Noel's sharp intake of breath at the word 'still' and tries to cover it up quickly, "that we're _actually_ together. Like we're actually married." 

"Oh, in real life?" 

"In real life. So they'll be like 'How' s No-'" 

"Which you're not?" Here it is. The question they both wanted to avoid. But it was his own fault. He made a stupid mistake, even though he promised Noel to make it right. 

Surprisingly, Noel is quicker than him, holding onto Cam's advice how to answer it, "We're not?" 

"No, we're not," he looks at Noel to check with him where they're going to take it. A conversation with just their eyes. 

"No," Noel shakes his head. 

It's his turn to push the conversation in a non-serious direction, to distract from the obvious, "We're not?" he questions once again. 

"Nah." 

"Yeah, we're not." 

Laughter fills the studio and both let a breath of relief escape their throat. For a few moments an awkward silence falls over them, both not knowing where to go from here. Noel's embarrassed laughter pulls him out of his haze, though, and he picks up his last string of thought, "You know, they're like, 'How's Noel doing?' and I'm like 'I.. I don't know, I haven't seen him in a few mont- I could call him, I guess, that might be kinda weird, I'd be like 'So, how you're doing? What you're up to?'" 

"Plus I never answer my phone," the other man throws in, trying to keep the conversation light hearted.

Cam immediately jumps on that comment, trying to distract as fiercely as possible from their relationship, "That's true, yeah. I would just have to wait until next season."

"Voicemail, man." 

"I could imagine the fans are heartbroken because they actually think you're dating in real life," Lilly throws in, once again turning their relationship in the spotlight, "Look at you guys."

"Yeah," Cam affirms, seeing Noel nodding in the corner of his eyes, encouraging him to continue with this necessary lie, "I hate to break it to them." 

"We'll survive, we'll survive." And with that, the brunette woman ends this conflicting topic and thankfully jumps into the next one. A topic Cam doesn't mind talking about - Noel's zebra pants of the season 10 promo poster. 

Noel negates her question of if he kept those pants, but Cam knows they both had to smile inwardly at that. And he said he can't lie bluntly. Of course Noel did! He wore them countless times at Cameron's request, before they started a sexfest. God, how sexy he looks in those pants, and how cute that he actually thought those were leopard print. Cam is glad that Noel took over the answering, because for a few moments he let himself indulge in those memories before he jumps back in the conversation about the promo shoot. What a great and funny day it was! 

"I lifted something," he states proudly, knowing damn well what he wants to lift later tonight. He shares this thought with his lover through one look, seeing the fire sparking in those blue eyes before they switch to the last game of the show, ending their performance on a lighter note. 

  
  


"You happy with how the interview went down today?" Cam snuggles into Noel from behind, his breath still raging, his groin still connected to his ass. A position, he can definitely live with.

Noel interlocks their fingers, pulling them to his mouth and kisses the back of Cameron’s hand. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry about the slip, though." 

With one gentle slide of his hips, Noel glides off his dick and Cam feels extremely lost. He already misses the warm, tight heat engulfing him. He's immediately distracted from his favorite body turning around and bright blue eyes staring at him, "That doesn't matter," he says, stroking his cheek, then down to his bicep, where the tattoo is imprinted, "Even if she would have found out, it doesn't _really_ matter." 

Cameron's red brow raises in confusion, "Completely new words, coming from you.“ 

"No, they’re not," Noel defends himself, "It wouldn't change a thing, if the world finds out. Not to me." When the redhead stays silent, the other man continues, "I'd still love you the same. The circumstances would probably get more complicated and for as long as I'm able to postpone it, I'm thankful for every quiet and private minute we got. The moment we're out, things will change. And they only have started to settle down, yet." Noel leans forward, to peck him on the lips, "We've just found each other. I'm not ready to face reality, yet." His hand is rifling through Cam's fiery red hair, "I enjoy having the sun to myself for a while." 

Cam nods his understanding, the tip of his nose nudging against Noel's. 

"You okay with it?" 

Is he okay with it? He has Noel in his arms and the ring on his finger - a promise to love; a love that will soon win. Until then, the formula of their chemistry will remain a secret to the public, the rumors of their relationship will follow them wherever they go. 

Maybe the time to come out and tell the world will be in their near future; maybe after the last episode of Shameless airs; maybe later. Until then, they will always remain the moon and the sun to one another, which, as only a few people know, couldn't exist without one another. They will always be seen as individuals, but actually need the other to survive. The extent of urgency and importance of their close connection is only known by them. But just as the sun and the moon make their gathering visible in the lunar eclipse every few years and make the world aware that they actually belong together, so will Cam and Noel probably announce it as well, soon. There's hope that although people will then be conscious of their connection, they won't constantly be in the main focus of their attention. That the knowledge about the sun and the moon functioning as an unit, will take a back seat again and will let them shine as individuals, each in its own place in the universe - the film business.

Locking his eyes with Noel's and losing himself in the ocean in there, he knows he has won already. A slight smile spreads on his freckled cheeks, before he nudges Noel's nose once more, "Yeah," he whispers happily, "yeah, I'm okay with it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your love. Hope you liked it. If so, please leave a kudo or/and comment below.
> 
> Thanks. Stay safe!
> 
> xoxo
> 
> J.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for leaving kudos and/or comments. I really appreciate the hell out of them <3
> 
> xox


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